Quotes from 2 Broke Girls

Quotes from 2 Broke Girls
Quotes 1 to 25 of 2812
Quote by Max Black from 2 Broke Girls in Season 1 Episode 1

Max: 'How old are you gonna be?'
Earl: '75'
Max: 'Oh, Earl, if you were just three years younger...'

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Quote by Caroline Channing from 2 Broke Girls in Season 1 Episode 1

Robbie: 'I'm Robbie.'
Caroline: 'I'm uncomfortable. You're getting me wet.'
Robbie: 'That's the point.'

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Quote by Max Black from 2 Broke Girls in Season 1 Episode 1

Hey, if you got a second - stop staring at my boobs!

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Quote by Max Black from 2 Broke Girls in Season 1 Episode 1

I wear knit hats when it's cold out. You wear knit hats 'cause of coldplay.
You have tattoos to piss off your dad. My dad doesn't know he's my dad.
And finally, you think this is the sound that gets you service. I think, this is the sound that dries up my vagina.

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Quote by Max Black from 2 Broke Girls in Season 1 Episode 21

Scaring people into participating isn't success, it's Scientology.

Religion
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Quote by Max Black from 2 Broke Girls in Season 1 Episode 21

You're asking me if I have any gum? That's like asking New Jersey if it has any sluts!

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Quote by Caroline Channing from 2 Broke Girls in Season 1 Episode 17

Listen, hit me with one more dead president and you'll be six feet under with Biggie and Tupac. You understand me, Jew-Tang Clan?

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Quote by Max Black from 2 Broke Girls in Season 1 Episode 12

Han Lee: 'Perhaps we'll pump the brakes on sour waitress attitude.'
Max: 'There's only one tool that can change my 'tude, but I'm gonna need two double-A batteries and a 20-minute break.'

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Quote by Han Lee from 2 Broke Girls in Season 1 Episode 12

Oleg: 'If I knew we were gonna have staff meetings after work, I would've taken job at T.G.I. Friday instead. Over there, they roll fast and loose.'
Han Lee: 'Well, this is how I roll.'
Max: 'Yeah, short and slow.'
Han Lee: 'No, I roll fast and furious... Tokyo Drift style.'

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Quote by Earl from 2 Broke Girls in Season 1 Episode 12

Max: 'Earl, can you break some 20s? The big spenders at table two wanna split their $11 check three ways - even though one person did all the eating.'
Earl: 'I was in a three-way once. Same thing happened.'

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Quote by Max Black from 2 Broke Girls in Season 1 Episode 11

Han Lee: 'Max, why did you kick out the hipsters?'
Max: 'Cause I could not be in the background of another Instagram photo!'

Instagram
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Quote by Max Black from 2 Broke Girls in Season 1 Episode 10

Thanksgiving is almost here and as soon as people realize how much money they have to spend on holiday gifts, their wallets snap tighter than Kim Kardashian's legs after the wedding check cleared.

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Quote by Caroline Channing from 2 Broke Girls in Season 1 Episode 9

Max: 'I kissed Johnny.'
Caroline: 'What? When?'
Max: 'He came by the apartment right after you left.'
Caroline: 'I was only gone 20 minutes. What'd you do - shine a bat symbol on your vagina?'

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Quote by Max Black from 2 Broke Girls in Season 1 Episode 9

Last time I was at the gold space loft, I went to a poetry slam and I wound up slamming a poet.

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Quote by Max Black from 2 Broke Girls in Season 1 Episode 8

Han Lee: 'Booty call on billboard. If it's after 2:30, call is for the dirty.'
Max: 'What's that from? Dr. Seuss' 'oh, the places you'll put it in'?'

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Quote by Max Black from 2 Broke Girls in Season 1 Episode 7

Do you think we can convince them that slapping each other's face is the new high five?

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Quote by Max Black from 2 Broke Girls in Season 1 Episode 7

Caroline: 'I'm much more concerned with our business and getting my head back above water. Men will come sooner or later.'
Max: 'Well, according to my research most men come sooner.'

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Quote by Earl from 2 Broke Girls in Season 1 Episode 7

This neighborhood is definitely on the rise. I remember a time when a black man couldn't get a cab around here. And that time was Wednesday.

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Quote by Max Black from 2 Broke Girls in Season 1 Episode 4

Han Lee: 'Hipsters like karaoke!'
Max: 'Replace the word 'like' with the word 'Hitler' and you got the three worst things in history.'

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Quote by Max Black from 2 Broke Girls in Season 1 Episode 4

Earl: 'Max, what is the worst sentence you ever want to come out of Han's mouth?'
Max: 'I got you pregnant?'
Earl: 'Come on, bad, bad.'
Max: 'I got you pregnant again?'

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Quote by Max Black from 2 Broke Girls in Season 1 Episode 2

Robbie, if I were gonna go lesbian, she would be the last 'les' I'd 'be in'.

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Quote by Max Black from 2 Broke Girls in Season 1 Episode 2

Caroline: 'No need to yell, he's a champion.'
Max: 'Champion stink bomb. It's smelling pretty ripe out in that yard.'
Caroline: 'That's not Chestnut, that's Brooklyn.'
Max: 'Okay, well, I'm watching 'The Champion' drop some steaming hot 'Brooklyn' right now.'

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Quote by Max Black from 2 Broke Girls in Season 1 Episode 2

Max: 'Hi, ready to order?'
Guest: 'Do you have anything that's really special?'
Max: 'Not according to my high school guidance counselor.'

High School
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Quote by Max Black from 2 Broke Girls in Season 1 Episode 1

Caroline: 'What'd you see in that guy, anyway?'
Max: 'He had these muscle thingies.'
Caroline: 'Oh, those things?'
Max: 'Yeah. I don't know what those are called, but they make smart girls stupid.'

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Quote by Earl from 2 Broke Girls in Season 1 Episode 1

That girl is workin' harder than Stephen Hawking tryin' to put in a pair of cufflinks.

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Quotes 1 to 25 of 2812

Characters from 2 Broke Girls