Funny Quotes

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Quote by George H. W. Bush

I do not like broccoli. And I haven't liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. And I'm President of the United States and I'm not going to eat any more broccoli.

Funny Quotes
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Quote by Willie Nelson

My doctor tells me I should start slowing it down - but there are more old drunks than there are old doctors so let's all have another round.

Alcohol, Funny Quotes
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Quote by Hubert H. Humphrey

Behind every successful man is a proud wife and a surprised mother-in-law.

Marriage, Success, Funny Quotes
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Quote by Mary Wilson Little

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.

Laziness, Funny Quotes
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Quote by Oscar Levant

There are two sides to every question: my side and the wrong side.

Funny Quotes
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Quote by Oscar Levant

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.

Funny Quotes
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Quote by Gary Allan

Let's be naughty and save Santa the trip.

Christmas, Funny Quotes
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Quote by Stanislaw Jerzy Lec

Don't trust the heart, it wants your blood.

Heart, Funny Quotes
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Quote by Karl Valentin

Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.

Weather, Funny Quotes
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Quote by Kurt Cobain

Nobody dies a virgin. Life fucks us all.

Life, Puns, Funny Quotes
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Quote by Winston Churchill

'Must you fall asleep while I'm speaking?'
Winston Churchill: 'No, it’s purely voluntary.'

Funny Quotes
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Quote by George Carlin

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

Christmas, Funny Quotes
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Quote by Unknown

Dear Santa,
this year, please give me a big fat bank account and a slim body. And please, don't mix those two up like you did last year.
Thanks!

Christmas, Funny Quotes
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