Quotes from How I Met Your Mother (TV-series)

How I Met Your Mother is a US tv-series. The quotes from the main characters Ted Mosby, Barney Stinson, Robin Scherbatsky, Lily Aldrin and Marshall Eriksen make the series legendary.

Right now, the ninth season of How I Met Your Mother is running on CBS.

Quotes from How I Met Your Mother (TV-series)
Quotes 1 to 50 of 444123456789
Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 9 Episode 17

Whatever you do in this life, it's not legendary, unless your friends are there to see it.

Legendary
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Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 9 Episode 17

If you're looking for the word that means caring for someone beyond all rationality and wanting them to have everything they want, no matter how much it destroys you, it's love!

Love
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Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 9 Episode 17

If you love something, you can never let it go. Not even for a second. Or it's gone forever.

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 9 Episode 12

Canada also helped in two world wars and gave the world Neil Young, William Shatner, Leonard Cohen, Pamela Anderson, one quarter of Barney Stinson, instant mashed potatoes and best of all - you.

Canada
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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 9 Episode 12

Barney: 'Fine, we'll just have a nice, tasteful rehearsal dinner. Maybe at a French restaurant, I know just the place.'
Robin: 'What's the name of the restaurant?'
Barney: 'La Sertag.'

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Quote by Lily Aldrin from How I Met Your Mother in Season 9 Episode 12

The 'no more surprises' thing is the best part of being married.

Marriage
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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 9 Episode 11

Barney: 'Your challenge is accepted Lil, there is no girl too pretty
For I am Barney Stinson, Player King of New York City.'
Ted: 'You can't anoint yourself the king, just like that jerk, LeBron.'
Barney: 'He left the Cavs three years ago. Bro, give it up, move on.'

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Quote by Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother in Season 9 Episode 11

Lily: 'Thank God, it's been a hundred years since Mosby scored a dame.'
Marshall: 'The last time he saw boobies was the screen-test scene in 'Fame'.'
Robin: 'The last girl he dated, I think 'Righty' was her name.'

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Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 9 Episode 9

Hey, ref, check your voicemail! I think you've missed a few calls!

Basketball, Sports
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Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 9 Episode 9

Marshall: 'Open your eyes, ref! That's not a pregnant lady...'
Ted: '...it's a basketball under his shirt. Blow the freakin' whistle!'

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Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 9 Episode 8

And that, kids, is the kind of stupid thing you say, before you've met the person who hits the reset button on the world. Who makes everything new again. Who makes it seem ridiculous that you ever considered settling.

Falling in love
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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 9 Episode 8

When Mom was a groupie in the '70s, her scrambled eggs made her the darling of the MSG loading dock. Lot of songs written about those scrambled eggs:
ZZ Top's 'She's Got Legs'? Originally 'She's Got Eggs'.
Led Zeppelin? 'Scramble On'.
Steve Miller? 'The Yolker'.
If you listen to Pink Floyd's 'Dark Side of the Moon' while eating her eggs, it lines up perfectly.

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Quote by Lily Aldrin from How I Met Your Mother in Season 9 Episode 8

Yes, I'm in a rotten mood. No, I don't want to talk about it. Yes, this has booze in it. No, it's not my first.

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Quote by Marshall Eriksen from How I Met Your Mother in Season 9 Episode 7

Marshall: 'Robin, I need you to delete the last text that Lily got before she sees it.'
Robin: 'Bro, it's my wedding weekend. Just because
you didn't know better than to take a naked selfie while you were in the coldest part of the country...'
Marshall: '...first, I'm an Eriksen. Cold has a plumping effect.'

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season Season 9 Episode 7

Marshall: 'What the hell happened?'
Barney: 'I said no questions asked.'
Marshall: 'Star, clover, horseshoe... Barney, did you swallow real versions of all the Lucky Charms items?'
Barney: 'No questions asked! Now come on. Let's hit the bar. I'm buying. I just won 50 bucks from a little Irish guy on a dare.'

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 9 Episode 7

Lily: 'I'm not paying for room service the hooker ordered.'
Barney: 'I've been there.'

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 9 Episode 6

Your story is so sweet! You didn't even kiss 'til the third date. By our third date, I hit more bases than Bob Hope on a USO tour.

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 9 Episode 6

Every hookup at a weekend wedding is decided at Friday Night Drinks. Get stuck with the wrong girl tonight, the only action you'll be getting all weekend is a self five and I don't mean the cool kind. Self-five! That's the cool kind.

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Quote by Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother in Season 9 Episode 4

Oh, come on, ref! I haven't seen that much hooking go unpunished since my last trip to Vegas.

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Quote by Marshall Eriksen from How I Met Your Mother in Season 9 Episode 4

Barney: 'I was having such a good time greasing 12-year-olds.'
Ted: 'LaserTag.'
Marshall: 'Helpful. Continue.'

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Quote by Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother in Season 9 Episode 4

Lily: 'Just be yourself. Say something nice.'
Robin: 'Which one? I can't do both.'

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 9 Episode 4

I'm also pleased to announce The Bro Code is now available in select airlines across the country. And Lufthansa. 'Der Bro Code' is, like, huge in Germany.

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 9 Episode 4

This sacred text was eventually brought to the New World in 1776 by none other than Christopher Brolumbus. And that's why he got to bang Pocahontas.

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 9 Episode 4

The Bro Code has been around for centuries. Nay... whatever's more than centuries.

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Quote by Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother in Season 9 Episode 4

My metabolism is all messed up. See, I can moose down a pint of fudge ripple for a midnight snack and wake up having lost weight. Well, everywhere except for my boobs. So annoying.

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 9 Episode 4

Ted: 'So, you are mad about me and Robin holding hands.'
Barney: 'Of course I'm mad Ted. Holding hands is like the fourth grade equivalent of banging. Well in your case, twelfth grade. Self-five!'

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 9 Episode 3

Robin: 'I can't believe my great grandparents still do that.'
Barney: 'And I never imagined a walker being used for anything other than walking.'

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Quote by James Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 9 Episode 3

Barney: 'You avoiding the family too?'
James: 'I'm gay, I'm black and I'm getting a divorce. Those walking skeletons are gonna have more questions for me than their pharmacists.'

Homosexuality
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Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 9 Episode 2

Here's the thing, kids: When you believe in people, people come through.

Trust
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Quote by Marshall Eriksen from How I Met Your Mother in Season 9 Episode 2

I'm from Minnesota, where there's plenty hot-dogs for everyone. Perhaps even too many...

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 9 Episode 1

Barney: 'Our wedding is gonna be legendary.'
Robin: 'No wait for it?'
Barney: 'I've got you, I don't have to wait for it anymore.'

Love declerations
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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 21

Lily Aldrin: 'Guys, The Captain just made me a very interesting offer.'
Barney Stinson: 'Finally we get around to the real reason he hired you. Just promise you film it, and please use a tripod. There's nothing artistic about shaky-cam, it just looks sloppy.'

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Quote by Marshall Eriksen from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 23

Lily: 'Okay, stop! Every time he lands, that chair farts out ten-year-old Dorito dust.'
Marshall: 'Yeah, it's the chair...'

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 23

Look, if Michael Jordan's healthy, you don't let Scottie Pippen run the offense. Oh, you're from Canada, right. If Wayne Gretzky's healthy, you don't let Fran├žois... what I'm saying is: hockey is stupid and I'm point guy!

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Quote by Marshall Eriksen from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 23

Italy doesn't need something that is wrinkled, red and leaky, and smells like booze and narcotics. They've already got former Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi.

Italy
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Quote by Lily Aldrin from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 24

So, what do you want to do tonight? Drink ourselves blind, set a car on fire? Oh, watch a movie that doesn't start with a desk lamp jumping on top of a capital 'I'?

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Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 21

You know how sometimes you'll meet a girl and there'll be that one bewitching little detail that'll make you fall in love with her instantly? You know, a little freckle on the nose, the lilt of her laugh, the way she pronounces a certain word or phrase...

Falling in love
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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 18

Underneath all of those lies is one true thing. One true thing that can support the weight of all the lies in the world, and that's the fact that I love you.

Love declerations
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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 18

Barney: 'Ted what is my one rule?'
Ted: 'You can tell how old a girl is by her elbows?'
Barney: 'My other one rule.'
Ted: 'Flax seed relieves upset stomach?'
Barney: 'My other one rule.'
Ted: 'Always have a fake pair of concert tickets in your pocket in case Lily invites you to something stupid?'
Barney: 'My other one rule.'
Ted: 'Labanese girls sprint to third base and then stay there.'
Barney: 'My other one rule.'
Ted: 'New is always better?'
Barney: 'New is always better!'

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 6

Every time I go after a busty dullard who can't tell time or thinks I'm the ghost of Leonardo DiCaprio, I'm shallow. But somehow it's okay for Robin to date a guy who can't be trusted around outlets.

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Quote by Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 24

Robin: 'This locket was my grandma's, she kept it hidden in her butt all through world war II.'
Lily: 'What? Where was she?'
Robin: 'Winnipeg. Come on, Lily, that is a joke.'

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Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 24

Lily: 'Ted, you did this all yourself?'
Ted: 'Just like Ryan Gosling in 'The Notebook'. It was pretty manly 'til I mentioned Ryan Gosling in 'The Notebook', huh?'

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 23

I only have one rule. For every three 10's you bang, throw a bone to a 5. They're grateful and hard working and let's face it, sometimes you just want to lay there.

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Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 23

Kids, you can't cling to the past. Because no matter how tight you hold on... it's already gone.

Memory, Past
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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 14

Ted: 'My mother is not one-night-stand material!'
Barney: 'Yeah, you're right. It wasn't night and we weren't standing.'

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Quote by Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 14

Marshall: 'When a woman puts on an engagement ring, it's like when Bilbo Baggins wears the One Ring in The Hobbit.'
Robin: 'Okay, can you say that again, but not in nerd?'
Marshall: 'Sure. Uh, the ring is like the cloak that Harry Potter wears to sneak around Hogwarts.'
Robin: 'Yeah, I don't speak virgin either.'

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Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 14

Turns out, when you projectile vomit on skates, you roll right into the spray.

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Quote by Marshall Eriksen from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 13

You're gonna get endless requests to play some game, that has something to do with gangsters and farming!

Facebook
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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 11

The last play you'll ever run.

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Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 11

Eight years ago I made an ass of myself chasing after you and I made an ass of myself chasing after you a bunch of times since then. And I have no regrets because it led me to something I wouldn't trade for the world, it led to you being my friend. So as your friend and a leading expert in the field of making an ass of yourself. I say to you, from the heart, get the hell out of this car!

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Quotes 1 to 50 of 444123456789

Characters from How I Met Your Mother