Whatever you do in this life, it's not legendary, unless your friends are there to see it.Legendary0
If you're looking for the word that means caring for someone beyond all rationality and wanting them to have everything they want, no matter how much it destroys you, it's love!Love0
If you love something, you can never let it go. Not even for a second. Or it's gone forever.0
Canada also helped in two world wars and gave the world Neil Young, William Shatner, Leonard Cohen, Pamela Anderson, one quarter of Barney Stinson, instant mashed potatoes and best of all - you.Canada0
Barney: 'Fine, we'll just have a nice, tasteful rehearsal dinner. Maybe at a French restaurant, I know just the place.'
Robin: 'What's the name of the restaurant?'
Barney: 'La Sertag.'
The 'no more surprises' thing is the best part of being married.Marriage0
Barney: 'Your challenge is accepted Lil, there is no girl too pretty
For I am Barney Stinson, Player King of New York City.'
Ted: 'You can't anoint yourself the king, just like that jerk, LeBron.'
Barney: 'He left the Cavs three years ago. Bro, give it up, move on.'
Lily: 'Thank God, it's been a hundred years since Mosby scored a dame.'
Marshall: 'The last time he saw boobies was the screen-test scene in 'Fame'.'
Robin: 'The last girl he dated, I think 'Righty' was her name.'
Hey, ref, check your voicemail! I think you've missed a few calls!Basketball, Sports0
Marshall: 'Open your eyes, ref! That's not a pregnant lady...'
Ted: '...it's a basketball under his shirt. Blow the freakin' whistle!'
And that, kids, is the kind of stupid thing you say, before you've met the person who hits the reset button on the world. Who makes everything new again. Who makes it seem ridiculous that you ever considered settling.Falling in love0
When Mom was a groupie in the '70s, her scrambled eggs made her the darling of the MSG loading dock. Lot of songs written about those scrambled eggs:
ZZ Top's 'She's Got Legs'? Originally 'She's Got Eggs'.
Led Zeppelin? 'Scramble On'.
Steve Miller? 'The Yolker'.
If you listen to Pink Floyd's 'Dark Side of the Moon' while eating her eggs, it lines up perfectly.
Yes, I'm in a rotten mood. No, I don't want to talk about it. Yes, this has booze in it. No, it's not my first.0
Marshall: 'Robin, I need you to delete the last text that Lily got before she sees it.'
Robin: 'Bro, it's my wedding weekend. Just because
you didn't know better than to take a naked selfie while you were in the coldest part of the country...'
Marshall: '...first, I'm an Eriksen. Cold has a plumping effect.'
Marshall: 'What the hell happened?'
Barney: 'I said no questions asked.'
Marshall: 'Star, clover, horseshoe... Barney, did you swallow real versions of all the Lucky Charms items?'
Barney: 'No questions asked! Now come on. Let's hit the bar. I'm buying. I just won 50 bucks from a little Irish guy on a dare.'
Lily: 'I'm not paying for room service the hooker ordered.'
Barney: 'I've been there.'
Your story is so sweet! You didn't even kiss 'til the third date. By our third date, I hit more bases than Bob Hope on a USO tour.0
Every hookup at a weekend wedding is decided at Friday Night Drinks. Get stuck with the wrong girl tonight, the only action you'll be getting all weekend is a self five and I don't mean the cool kind. Self-five! That's the cool kind.0
Oh, come on, ref! I haven't seen that much hooking go unpunished since my last trip to Vegas.0
Barney: 'I was having such a good time greasing 12-year-olds.'
Marshall: 'Helpful. Continue.'
Lily: 'Just be yourself. Say something nice.'
Robin: 'Which one? I can't do both.'
I'm also pleased to announce The Bro Code is now available in select airlines across the country. And Lufthansa. 'Der Bro Code' is, like, huge in Germany.0
This sacred text was eventually brought to the New World in 1776 by none other than Christopher Brolumbus. And that's why he got to bang Pocahontas.0
The Bro Code has been around for centuries. Nay... whatever's more than centuries.0