I'm growing a child in my belly, a child that just developed ears, and it's a very thin sweater. So, please, if you must tell your story, just make it cheerful.0
Career has been trouncing romance for years. It's like the Globetrotters versus the Generals: Career's sinking hook shots from half court, romance is just a bunch of slow white guys, who couldn't make it in the Italian league.0
Marshall Eriksen, put a baby in my belly.0
There is only one street where that is normal. Here's a hint: A giant yellow bird lives on it.0
Fine, you guys can have a baby, but only under these conditions:
1) You promise to always love me more than the baby.
2) Once a month, I get to use the baby to pick up chicks.
3) That may involve the baby falling from a two-story window and me heroically catching it.
4) No breast-feeding in front of me.
5) Forget about 4), you can whip 'em out whenever you want.
Robin: 'Have plans with Don on Saturday, he's making me Chinese.'
Lily: 'I'll assume you're talking about food, otherwise, I have some follow-up-questions.'
Clint: 'Ted, your mother is a very, very erotic woman.'
Ted: 'Please don't.'
Sometimes our best decisions are the ones that don't make any sense at all.Failures, Decisions0
Ted: 'I made a bid online, I won the auction the next day and I got approval. I just finalized the paperwork.'
Barney: 'And was the Blair Witch easy to deal with, or did she haggle over the closing costs?'
Robin: 'Ted, are you acting out the last scene of 'Sleepless in Seattle' with little dolls?'
Ted: 'How long have you been out here?'
Robin: 'Ten seconds.'
Ted: 'Yeah - just the last scene.'
In commemoration of Barney's induction into the 'Hall of Game', this tie, worn on the seventh night of his perfect week, is hereby retired.0
Ted: 'You always kept your toothbrush in the bedroom. Also weird, by the way.'
Lily: 'No. We kept it in the bathroom.'
Ted: 'No, there was only one toothbrush in the bathroom, and it was mine...'
Barney: 'I had a drinking game based on Robin. But it was actually ON Robin: I'd pour peach schnapps in her belly button...'
Ted: 'Dude, we agreed we wouldn't do this.'
Barney: 'Sorry. You're right. She didn't like it anyway. Said it woke her up.'
Even if I meet the girl of my dreams right the second, I'm still one night and nine months away, from having a family on my own. And that's assuming the mother of my childern is just a huge slut.0
For some women it was the ashes of my parents. For others it was the trophy from Wimbledon and believe it or not, for one busty dullard, it was both. Game, enormous set and match!0
We've always been a trio! We're right up there with Batman and Robin and Alfred. Romeo and Juliet and the apothecary. Salt and pepper and cumin.0
Nobody likes to be alone, especially after a breakup. But that's when we discover who we really are and what we really want.Lovesick, Solitude0
What's in the box? What's in the box? WHAT'S IN THE BOX?
Right? Brad pitt? Seven?
Wherein I suggested that you take your head and store it within yourself, in a fashion that, while space-saving, might limit its exposure to sunshine.0
Ted: 'No, seriously Robin, you should get the slap. I mean, you're a great slapper. In fact, I want to study slapping under your tutelage. I want to be your slap-prentice.'
Robin: 'Don't sell yourself short there, Teddy. You're a slapping rock star. Your name should be Eric Slapton.'
Marshall: 'Where is your playbook?'
Robin: 'My playbook? Bro, uh, two-volume set, right here.
Ted: 'It's a great read, actually.'
Lily: 'Yeah, I'm reading it right now.'
Well, maybe this isn't a breakup. Maybe this is two friends getting back together.Friendship, Relationships0
Marshall: 'I don't care if the dishes aren't done, okay? If you care, you do it.'
Lily: 'Great, then I don't care if you have an orgasm. If you care, you do it.'
I'm a good boyfriend in my sleep. I can rock a killer foot rub with one hand and brew a kick-ass pot of chamomile in the other, that would make you weep. Hell, I've forgotten more about microwaving fat-free popcorn and watching Sandra Bullock movies than you'll ever know, but: thanks for your concern, rook!Relationships0