Quotes from How I Met Your Mother (TV-series) (Page 11)

How I Met Your Mother is a US tv-series. The quotes from the main characters Ted Mosby, Barney Stinson, Robin Scherbatsky, Lily Aldrin and Marshall Eriksen make the series legendary.

Right now, the ninth season of How I Met Your Mother is running on CBS.

Quotes from How I Met Your Mother (TV-series)
Quotes 251 to 275 of 44418910111213141518
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 5 Episode 3

When you date someone, it's like you're taking one long course in who that person is and then, when you break up, all that stuff becomes useless. It's the emotional equivalent of an English degree...

Relationships
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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 5 Episode 3

I can't believe I'm taking sexual advice from Ted Mosby.
That's like taking fashion advice from... well, Ted Mosby.

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 5 Episode 1

How do you keep a girl from becoming your girlfriend?
1. Never get them wet. In other words, don't let her take a shower at your place.
2. Keep them away from sunlight - i. e. don't ever see them during the day.
3. Never feed them after midnight. Meaning she doesn't sleep over and you don't have breakfast.

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Quote by Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother in Season 4 Episode 24

There's something between us. Maybe my head was saying, 'nip it in the bud', because my heart was saying something else...

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 4 Episode 23

When will you guys realize, that the only difference between my real life and a porno
is, my real life has better lighting?

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Quote by Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother in Season 4 Episode 21

It could be for a brother or maybe her sick dad.
[reads] 'And then I want you to do me on the couch.'
Okay, maybe not a sick dad. Or a very sick dad, am I right?

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 4 Episode 20

What's the difference between peanut butter and jam?
You can't peanut butter your dick up someone's ass.

Puns
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Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 4 Episode 18

I've got to find a way to introduce some wood into Bilson's dark atrium. I think you know what I meant.

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Quote by Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother in Season 4 Episode 17

Karen: 'I'm sure all the exploited diamond miners in Sierra Leone would give you a high-five if they still had all their fingers. But really pretty - meet me upstairs!'
Robin: 'They only need one finger to give her what I'm thinking.'

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Quote by Lily Aldrin from How I Met Your Mother in Season 4 Episode 16

Ted, honey, I want you to go outside and bite the curb. I'll be out in a minute.

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Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 4 Episode 12

One minute we're just laying into each other, and then the next minute... well, same thing.

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 4 Episode 10

There's only three things you'll ever see me fight:
The stubborn clasp of a bra.
Sexual harassment charges - nine for nine!
And the urge to vomit when, I see someone wearing brown shoes with a black suit.

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 4 Episode 9

Ted: 'Everyone has an opinion on how long it takes to recover from a breakup.'
Lily: 'Half the length of the relationship.'
Marshall: 'One week for every month you were together.'
Robin: 'Exactly 10,000 drinks, however long that takes.'
Barney: 'You can't measure something like this in time. There's a series of steps: From her bed to the front door. Bam! Out of there.... next!'

Lovesick
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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 4 Episode 21

Seriously. Jesus started the whole 'wait three days'-thing. He waited three days to come back to life. It was perfect! If he had only waited one day, a lot of people wouldn't have even heard that he died. They'd be all, 'Hey Jesus, what up?' and Jesus would probably be like, 'What up? I died yesterday!' and then they'd be all, 'Uh, you look pretty alive to me, dude...' and then Jesus would have to explain how he was resurrected, and how it was a miracle, and then the dude would be like 'Uh okay, whatever you say, bro.'
And he's not gonna come back on a saturday. Everybody's busy, doing chores, workin' the loom, trimmin' their beards. No, he waits the exact right number of days: three! Plus it's sunday, so everyone's in church already, they're all in there 'Oh no, Jesus is dead', then bam! He bursts through the back door, runs up the aisle, everyone's totally psyched, and FYI, that's when he invented the high-five. Three days. We wait three days to call a woman, because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait.... True story!

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 4 Episode 7

You have just become victims of the cheerleader-effect. Glad you asked: The cheerleader-effect is when a group of women seems hot, but only as a group. Just like with cheerleaders. They seem hot, but take each one of them individually? Sled dogs!

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Quote by Victoria from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 3

I have let you come wash my dishes. I said my oven needed cleaning, I invited you to a porno!

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Quote by Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother in Season 3 Episode 7

Lily: 'I am gonna have to walk this earth, knowing Barney has touched my boobs.'
Robin: 'Yeah it stays with ya. His e-mail reminders don't help.'

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Quote by Marshall Eriksen from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 3

Enjoy your mai-tai, because soon you will be wearing my tie!

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Quote by Victoria from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 3

Ted: 'You know what else is getting cleaned, along with that cup-cake tray? My conscience!'
Victoria: 'You got anything else to atone for? My oven needs cleaning.'

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 3

Marshall: 'Let the dinnertainment begin!'
Barney: 'That reminds me there's this other restaurant we should try sometime. What they do is, they cook you a meal, in a little room called a 'kitchen'.'

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Quote by Stella Zinman from How I Met Your Mother in Season 4 Episode 5

Ted: 'Robin and I already had our backslide. Last Thanksgiving, not even that long ago.'
Stella: 'Did you place a large bet against yourself?'

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Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 4 Episode 5

Kids, morals usually come at the end of stories, but this one is so important, I'm gonna tell you now. Don't ever, ever invite an ex to your wedding.

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Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 4 Episode 5

Stella's sister: 'I'm a vegan. I wish I could tune out that moral voice inside me, that says eating animals is murder. But I guess I'm just not as strong as you are.'
Ted: 'That's 'cause you need protein. I'll have the lamb.'

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 4 Episode 4

Every year, there are a million
new, hot 22-year-olds walking into bars
and call me 'glass-half-full'... but I think they're getting dumber.

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 4 Episode 4

Ted, no! You never break up a girl fight! Never!

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Quotes 251 to 275 of 44418910111213141518

Characters from How I Met Your Mother