My arm hasn't been this sore, since I was 13 years old and figured out how to lock a bathroom.0
Marshall: 'The tiniest little burger joint you ever saw. Tucked between a taxidermist and a XXX bookstore.'
Barney: 'Name two places where things get stuffed.'
Robin: 'I just finished a seven-day cleanse.'
Marshall: 'I thought you just started that yesterday.'
Robin: 'I finished early, okay?'
Stella: 'Ted, you're staring at my breasts.'
Ted: 'In fairness... they were staring at me.'
Ted: 'We can do it against the door. It will be hot. It will be like a three-way: you, me and the door.'
Stella: 'Yeah, but then it's going to be weird between me and the door tomorrow.'
So Robin? Guess who nailed the chick from 'Metro News One' last night!0
Barney: 'Tell me more. Tell me more. Like did he have a car?'
Marshall: 'So is he the guy who... how shall I say this like a gentleman? Robin, did he take your maple leaf?'
Barney: 'Sounds to me like he gave you your first 'O Canada' face!'
Ted: 'Do not pretend you're not the kind of guy, who keeps a list of all the girls he slept with.'
Marshall: 'I have one. It's called my marriage-license.'
This is New York City, don't get close to the neighbours. You nod at them politely in the hall, you call the cops if you haven't seen them in a while and you smell something funny and that's it!New York City, Neighbors0
Marshall: 'Jelly beans, fluffernutter, Gummi Bears, ginger snap... this is a grocery list!'
Robin: 'For who? A witch building a house in the forest?'
Marshall: 'Sugar helps me study.'
Barney: 'This is like the shopping a ten-year-old does when his parents leave him alone for the weekend.'
Lily: 'What parent leaves a ten-year-old alone for the weekend?'
Barney: 'And your mom was perfect.'
Brother, you're driving the 'I-wanna-have-sex-with-her-truck' and its got a huge blind spot.0
I appreciate your help, but there's a reason your name is 'Robin', not 'Batman'.0
Barney: 'I met a girl last night. So perky and full of life and not at all fake.'
Ted: 'You're talking about her boobs, right?'
Barney: 'Si. And that wasn't Spanish, that was cup size. What up?!'
Barney: 'Ted, I'm gonna teach you how to live. Barney... we met at the urinal.
Lesson 1: Loose the goatee it doesn't go with your suit!'
Ted: 'I'm not wearing a suit.'
Barney: 'Lesson 2: Get a suit, suits are cool. Exhibit A.
Lesson 3: 'Don't even think about getting married until your 30.'
Marshall: 'Neither of you guys has any game, right? Or else you'd be married. Like me. If dating is the game, then marriage is winning the game.'
Ted: 'Yeah, if you're playing in the women's league!'
Barney: 'You can't spell 'game' without 'me' and 'me' has the best game.'
Ted: 'Yeah well, I got so much game,
I'm Cornish game hen.'
Barney: 'Oh, yeah? I'm the New York State
Ted: 'Well, I'm The Game. Well-crafted, keep-you-guessing thriller starring
Michael Douglas and Sean Penn.'
Where some choose to look at this bra half-empty, I choose to look at this bra half-full.0
Do not tell me you're gonna start searching for 'the one' again. The only time I wanna hear you saying 'the one', is if it's followed by the word 'hundred'.0
Ted: 'Okay, time to get the horn back to the bistro.'
Robin: 'Oh Ted, I don't know if I can go again, that tuckered me out.'
Ted: 'No euphemism.'
You wanna know what line doesn't work on a harp player? 'Hey baby, wanna pluck?'0
Kids, you can't talk yourself into falling in love. It doesn't take days of deliberation. When it's real, you know pretty quickly and with absolute certainty.
I had forgotten that, but I was about to be reminded...
I don't wanna be choosing between two girls, I wanna be a complete head over heels idiot for one!Love0
I guess, if we're splitting hairs, then technically... there was a plurality to the times I've lied to women for sex-having-purposes.0
Ted: 'All my friends from high-school, they're here with their wifes or kids. My date for the night is a sticky magazine...'
Robin: 'Sounds like high-school all over again!'