Never buy a girl flowers, 'cause giving her a living thing reminds her of babies.0
God. It's me, Barney. What up? I know we don't talk much, but I know a lot of girls call out your name because of me. Awesome!0
Barney: 'Check it out, I made a little game.'
Lottery Girl: 'And tonight's lotto numbers are: 19...'
Barney: '...age you moved to New York after a photographer 'discovered' you at a food court and said he would get you into Vogue Magazine.'
Lotto Girl: '53...'
Barney: '...number of semi-nude pictures he took of you before you realized he had no connection to Vogue Magazine.'
Lotto Girl: '22...'
Barney: '...age you claim you are.'
Lotto Girl: '31...'
Barney: '...age you actually are.'
Lotto Girl: '45...'
Barney: '...number of minutes it would take me to get you into a cab, out of your dress and into my Jacuzzi.'
Lotto Girl: 'And tonight's Super Big Ball is...'
Barney: '...what happens after we get out of the Jacuzzi. What Up?!'
Barney, check it! Three blond babies drinking bad-decision-juice at eight o'clock.0
Ted: 'Where does this girl live?'
Robin: 'We're talking about a woman who's gotten Barney to commit. I'm guessing Narnia.'
He has got to go. You need to be like:
You are the weakest link goodbye!
Punchy, the tribe has spoken.
Please pack up your knives and go.
Your work of art, didn't work for me.
You're times up.
I have to ask you to leave the mansion.
You must leave the chateau.
Your tour ends here.
You've been chopped!
You've been evicted from the Big Brother house.
Your desert just didn't measure up.
Give me your jacket and leave Hell's kitchen!
You did not get a rose.
You have been eliminated from the race.
You are no longer in the running to be America's Next Top Model.
Sometimes, even when you know something's a mistake, you gotta make it anyway.Failures, Fate / Destiny0
Give it a week, you'll get her back. And her front.
Oh! Did you feel that? I think we just had a 'what up?'-quake!
A lie is just a great story that someone ruined with the truth.Lies0
Barney: 'I only smoke in certain situations. Postcoital, when I'm with Germans, sometimes those two overlap, coital, birthdays, to annoy my mom, precoital, on a sailboat, the day the Mets are mathematically eliminated every year and pregnancy scares.'
Ted: 'Why are you smoking right now?'
Barney: 'I'm always precoital, Ted.'
Oh, this dress is totally going to get me laid on my wedding night.Sex0
Nerds who aren't good at math?
Life is going to be rough boys!
Ted: 'She was 15?!'
Barney: 'No. A 15. Like in blackjack.'
Ted: 'As in.. not sure whether you'd hit it?'
Ted, the only reason to wait a month for sex is if the girl is 17 years and 11 months old.Sex0
Female acrobats from Montreal, super flexible...
We´re gonna get Cirque du so-laid!
Think of me as Yoda - only, instead of being little and green, I wear suits and I'm awesome. I'm your bro. I'm Broda.0
It's going to be legen...
wait for it - and I hope you're not lactose-intolerant cause the second half of that word is