Quotes from How I Met Your Mother (TV-series) (Page 2)

How I Met Your Mother is a US tv-series. The quotes from the main characters Ted Mosby, Barney Stinson, Robin Scherbatsky, Lily Aldrin and Marshall Eriksen make the series legendary.

Right now, the ninth season of How I Met Your Mother is running on CBS.

Quotes from How I Met Your Mother (TV-series)
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 14

Turns out, when you projectile vomit on skates, you roll right into the spray.

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Quote by Marshall Eriksen from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 13

You're gonna get endless requests to play some game, that has something to do with gangsters and farming!

Facebook
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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 11

The last play you'll ever run.

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Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 11

Eight years ago I made an ass of myself chasing after you and I made an ass of myself chasing after you a bunch of times since then. And I have no regrets because it led me to something I wouldn't trade for the world, it led to you being my friend. So as your friend and a leading expert in the field of making an ass of yourself. I say to you, from the heart, get the hell out of this car!

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Quote by Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 10

Robin: 'We're like sisters.'
Ted: 'You've never gotten through even one exchange without screaming at her.'
Robin: 'Sisters fight, Ted!'

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 10

It's nice that they found each other. Sometimes you fall for someone you'd never expect, but that doesn't make it wrong. Doesn't everyone deserve to be happy?

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Quote by Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 10

Robin: 'He has a book of plays he uses to trick women into sleeping with him.'
Patrice: 'Oh, no way. Barney's my honey bear.'
Robin: 'Actually, one of his plays is called 'The Honey Bear'. He dresses up like Winnie the Pooh, and the next thing you know, his hand's stuck in your pot.'

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Quote by Lily Aldrin from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 10

Marshall: 'Can we borrow your air mattress? My mom's coming into town for a few days.'
Ted: 'Absolutely not!'
Lily: 'Bummer, I guess she can't stay with us. Hey, look what I just found! A list of hotels and other creative housing options.'
Marshall: 'Baby, my mom is not staying at a hotel. Or our storage unit.'

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 22

Come on Ted, it's 2012. What do you expect, to meet some cute travel agent when you're reading a newspaper at a bookstore? None of those things exist anymore!

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Quote by Marshall Eriksen from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 9

Marshall: 'It's kind of a big, professional meeting. You might want to trade out that lollipop for a shirt.'
Ted: 'Yeah. I'll just give it to one of these kids.'
Marshall: 'Oh, buddy. You're half naked, you're not a parent to any of these children. Don't offer 'em candy!'

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Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 9

I poured my blood, sweat and tears into that building. Though, to be fair, a lot of that happened the day I accidentally fell down the elevator shaft.

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Quote by Lily Aldrin from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 9

Do it. If you ever want to see these boobs again, crawl, you son of a me.

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Quote by Marshall Eriksen from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 9

Ted: 'How was your day?'
Lily: 'Good, although I think I just saw a woman with a full-beard outside.'
[..]
Marshall: 'I think I just saw a guy with breasts outside.'

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Quote by Lily Aldrin from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 9

Barney: 'I am so sorry, Cornelius. You deserve a better end than this.'
Lily: 'You got ketchup on a red tie, you can't even see it!'

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 19

Are you aware, that breaking a broath can have deadly- even fatal repercussions?

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Quote by Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 19

Marshall: 'I was once with this chick, who liked to do hand stuff underneath a jacket, while we were all sitting around our favorite booth at MacLaren's.'
Ted: 'Gross.'
Robin: 'We share appetizers!'

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Quote by Lily Aldrin from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 19

Marshall: 'Lily, you snooped through her stuff?'
Lily: 'No, it's like the first thing you see when you jimmy open her desk-drawer with the letter opener her grandfather left her, according to her diary.'

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Quote by Lily Aldrin from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 19

Marshall: 'Baby, you're like 20 slutty chicks all rolled into one.'
Lily: 'Sweet-talk is not gonna change my mind!'

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Quote by Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 18

By 'entertainment' they mean 'table-shuffle-board', Makramee classes and other non-stimulating activities which are only used in Manhatten to calm down drug-addicts and the criminaly insane.

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 18

You know, it's funny. Almost every woman I've ever met was wrong to give me a chance. You're the first woman who's wrong not to.

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 8

Neither one of us are gonna say, 'Hey, how's it going?' or 'Good to see you!'
Because it really will be good to see you.

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Quote by Marshall Eriksen from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 8

The biggest case of my life and I'd already lost the jury. I mean, I've heard of 'Twelve Angry Men', but this was more like 'Twelve Horny Women'.

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Quote by Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 8

Ted: 'Want to know what I looked like at age 15? There it is.'
Robin: 'I don't get it, that guy wasn't masturbating.'
Barney: 'Yeah, and the waistband of his undies wasn't pulled up to his Cub Scouts neckerchief.'

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Quote by Marshall Eriksen from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 8

When you do one good deed, it creates a ripple effect. One good deed leads to another and another.

Selflessness
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Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 8

Kids, Robin and Barney had recently shared an awkward moment. After that, they did what any two mature adults would do: They pretended it never happened.

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 7

In this fall - this is tough. In this fall I'm going to take my talents to Mouth Beach.

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Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 7

Marshall, you being 18 isn't a bad thing. It just means you get to spend even more of your life with her.

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Quote by Marshall Eriksen from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 7

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh.

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Quote by Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 7

B-Dawg, Barn Door, Stinson-natti, Bro-hio! Talk to me, how's it hangin'?

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 7

Sticky's even sent me a boob-shaped hand-sanitizer dispenser. It's clean and dirty at the same time.

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Quote by Nick from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 6

Nick: 'So, I went to this fortune teller today and she said there was a curse on me.'
Robin: 'Did she sell you something to ward off the curse?'
Nick: 'It's like you're a fortune teller, too.'

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 6

This woman has a hold on my heart that I could not break if I wanted to, and there have been times that I wanted to.
It has been overwhelming and humbling and even painful at times, but I could not stop loving her any more than I could stop breathing.

Love, Love declerations
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Quote by Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 6

Barney: 'Before you know it, you'll be marrying a man who once ate a vanilla-scented candle!'
Robin: 'That was on me. I shouldn't have left it in the kitchen. Though, it was lit. Man, he dumb.'

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Quote by Nick from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 6

Robin: 'I don't know if we should keep seeing each other.'
Nick: 'You want to start turning off the lights during sex?'
Robin: 'No. God, no. No! I am just worried that, as a couple, we're not working out.'
Nick: 'You want to start going to the gym together?'

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Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 6

Ted: 'Basketball, people don't realize, is all geometry, physics and engineering. If you think like an architect, you could win a thousand games without ever touching a ball.'
Barney: 'What happened to your ball?'
Ted: 'Some kids from the Hebrew school next door took it and wouldn't give it back.'

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Quote by Lily Aldrin from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 6

Eventually, Nick's groin will heal and you'll be back in Sexville, where all the crossword puzzles only have one box to fill.

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 6

Ted: 'Our point guard's a 52-year-old virgin, happy as a clam.'
Barney: 'I'm sure he's quite a ball handler.'

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 16

Ted: 'It's the Drunk Train! You crossed out all the stops and wrote Vagina-Ville.'
Barney: 'That's not true. That one says Boner Gardens.'

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Quote by Marshall Eriksen from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 16

Robin: 'Can you guys keep a secret?'
Lily: 'Yeah.'
Marshall: 'Well, some of us can...'

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Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 16

As fun as this place is, it's late. So, what's our play? And don't say, 'The Siamese Twins', we're not stretching out another one of my jackets!

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Quote by Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 5

It's not what you think, he just wants to have sex. Kidding. Just a little hand stuff. Ha, kidding again. Ted's more of a boob man. I seriously can't stop.

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Quote by Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 5

Barney: 'I love how she was this wise, old, chilled out, lesbian farmer.'
Robin: 'No, no, no. She's not a lesbian, nor does she farm them. No, that woman she lives with, that's just her special friend Maureen. They've lived together for... Oh!'

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 5

You've been a hell of a wingman. And even though I think it's kind of gross when you pleasure yourself orally, don't ever think that means I'm not impressed.

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Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 5

Ted: 'As a kid, I was known as a bit of a detective. In fact, when my friend's retainer went missing, the Mosby Boys were put on the case, and it was...'
Victoria: 'The retainer was in the garbage. The Mosby Boys were you, your sister, and a neighborhood squirrel you thought you had tamed.'
Ted: 'I can't believe Squirrel-lock Holmes turned on us like that, eight weeks of training down the drain.'

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Quote by Lily Aldrin from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 5

Ted: 'So this is what you guys do? You invite other couples over for dinner, to judge them and feel superior?'
Lily: 'Oh, grow up, Ted, that's why any couple invites anyone over ever!'

Relationships
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Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 5

We're cosigning birthday cards, we got toothbrushes at each other's places, foreplay's out the window. I'm in, I'm out, I'm sleeping - it's great.

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Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 5

Ted: 'Why wouldn't she just come right out and say what she wants?'
Marshall: 'Men. It's like, if there weren't pickle jars to open and spiders to kill and computers to back up, what would be their point?'
Lily: 'Mmh-hmm!'
Ted: 'Okay, when did Marshall become a slightly more feminine you?'

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 5

I've got a new bro, a bro that puts all other bros to shame. The bitches love him. He buries bones all day. No one chases tail like him. Why aren't you guys laughing? Oh, wait, I probably should have led with this: he's a dog! I've named him Brover.

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Quote by Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 14

Judging from how many clients that hooker has serviced, I'd say we've been here almost an hour.

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 8 Episode 4

Ted: 'Cleveland sports are still relevant! 'LeBron who?' Right, guys?'
Barney: 'Ted, neither you, nor Cleveland knows how to get over someone leaving them.'

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Characters from How I Met Your Mother