Sticky's even sent me a boob-shaped hand-sanitizer dispenser. It's clean and dirty at the same time.0
Nick: 'So, I went to this fortune teller today and she said there was a curse on me.'
Robin: 'Did she sell you something to ward off the curse?'
Nick: 'It's like you're a fortune teller, too.'
This woman has a hold on my heart that I could not break if I wanted to, and there have been times that I wanted to.
It has been overwhelming and humbling and even painful at times, but I could not stop loving her any more than I could stop breathing.
Barney: 'Before you know it, you'll be marrying a man who once ate a vanilla-scented candle!'
Robin: 'That was on me. I shouldn't have left it in the kitchen. Though, it was lit. Man, he dumb.'
Robin: 'I don't know if we should keep seeing each other.'
Nick: 'You want to start turning off the lights during sex?'
Robin: 'No. God, no. No! I am just worried that, as a couple, we're not working out.'
Nick: 'You want to start going to the gym together?'
Ted: 'Basketball, people don't realize, is all geometry, physics and engineering. If you think like an architect, you could win a thousand games without ever touching a ball.'
Barney: 'What happened to your ball?'
Ted: 'Some kids from the Hebrew school next door took it and wouldn't give it back.'
Eventually, Nick's groin will heal and you'll be back in Sexville, where all the crossword puzzles only have one box to fill.0
Ted: 'Our point guard's a 52-year-old virgin, happy as a clam.'
Barney: 'I'm sure he's quite a ball handler.'
Ted: 'It's the Drunk Train! You crossed out all the stops and wrote Vagina-Ville.'
Barney: 'That's not true. That one says Boner Gardens.'
Robin: 'Can you guys keep a secret?'
Marshall: 'Well, some of us can...'
As fun as this place is, it's late. So, what's our play? And don't say, 'The Siamese Twins', we're not stretching out another one of my jackets!0
It's not what you think, he just wants to have sex. Kidding. Just a little hand stuff. Ha, kidding again. Ted's more of a boob man. I seriously can't stop.0
Barney: 'I love how she was this wise, old, chilled out, lesbian farmer.'
Robin: 'No, no, no. She's not a lesbian, nor does she farm them. No, that woman she lives with, that's just her special friend Maureen. They've lived together for... Oh!'
You've been a hell of a wingman. And even though I think it's kind of gross when you pleasure yourself orally, don't ever think that means I'm not impressed.0
Ted: 'As a kid, I was known as a bit of a detective. In fact, when my friend's retainer went missing, the Mosby Boys were put on the case, and it was...'
Victoria: 'The retainer was in the garbage. The Mosby Boys were you, your sister, and a neighborhood squirrel you thought you had tamed.'
Ted: 'I can't believe Squirrel-lock Holmes turned on us like that, eight weeks of training down the drain.'
Ted: 'So this is what you guys do? You invite other couples over for dinner, to judge them and feel superior?'
Lily: 'Oh, grow up, Ted, that's why any couple invites anyone over ever!'
We're cosigning birthday cards, we got toothbrushes at each other's places, foreplay's out the window. I'm in, I'm out, I'm sleeping - it's great.0
Ted: 'Why wouldn't she just come right out and say what she wants?'
Marshall: 'Men. It's like, if there weren't pickle jars to open and spiders to kill and computers to back up, what would be their point?'
Ted: 'Okay, when did Marshall become a slightly more feminine you?'
I've got a new bro, a bro that puts all other bros to shame. The bitches love him. He buries bones all day. No one chases tail like him. Why aren't you guys laughing? Oh, wait, I probably should have led with this: he's a dog! I've named him Brover.0
Judging from how many clients that hooker has serviced, I'd say we've been here almost an hour.0
Ted: 'Cleveland sports are still relevant! 'LeBron who?' Right, guys?'
Barney: 'Ted, neither you, nor Cleveland knows how to get over someone leaving them.'
I know this hurts little buddy, but you'll love again someday. Because time will heal a broken heart, but not that bitch's window.0
Ted: 'Those Robin's boobies?'
Barney: 'When new nubile hotties lean in to inspect your bundle of joy, you can inspect their bundles of joy. The Broller. God, I come up with a lot of good stuff!'
The boobs on the bus go up and down, up and down, up and down
The boobs on the bus go up and down, all through the town