Quotes from How I Met Your Mother (TV-series) (Page 4)

How I Met Your Mother is a US tv-series. The quotes from the main characters Ted Mosby, Barney Stinson, Robin Scherbatsky, Lily Aldrin and Marshall Eriksen make the series legendary.

Right now, the ninth season of How I Met Your Mother is running on CBS.

Quotes from How I Met Your Mother (TV-series)
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 21

Barney: 'I'm dating a stripper.'
Ted: 'Yes, I've seen your bus ad.'

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 21

From here on in, every single night of our lives will be a night, we'll never forget. Starting tonight!
- The night we started a Mariachi Band!
- The night we ate everything on the menu!
- The night we brought a horse into the bar!
- The night we bungee-jumped off the Statue of Liberty!
- The night we stole a mummy from the Natural History Museum!
- The night we partied with the mole people
- The night we tracked down Phil Collins, became best friends with him, and talked him into reuniting with Peter Gabriel, and then we got to sing back-up on the new Genesis album and it was awesome!
- The night we stole a camel!
- The night you got locked out in your pajamas and Robin landed a freakin' helicopter and there's still time to reunite Genesis!

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 21

Marshall: 'Lily dream-banged someone we know.'
Barney: 'Okay, you caught me vermilion-handed. The truth is, I've spent the last five years trying to inception your wife.'
Marshall: 'That movie only came out two years ago.'
Barney: 'What movie?'

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Quote by Marshall Eriksen from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 21

Marshall: 'All pregnant ladies have crazy sex dreams. It's just her hormones going berserk.'
Barney: 'So who's responsible for her rapid thigh movement this time?'
Ted: 'Oh, my favorite was when she banged George Washington.'
Barney: 'I liked the three-way with Bill Cosby and Papa Smurf.'
Ted: 'Oh, he smurfed the smurf out of her.'
Marshall: 'Yes, while The Cos smurfed off in the corner - we all remember.'

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Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 21

People make fun of the guy who stays at home every night doing nothing, but the truth is that guy is a genius.

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Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 21

Every night can't be legendary. If all nights are legendary, no nights are legendary!

Legendary
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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother

If there was any shame in a dude getting a pedicure I don't think there would've been a feature about it in Details magazine.

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother

Ted, every little boy wants to grow up to nail the doctor, or the lawyer. Somebody's gotta nail the receptionist.

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Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 20

Kids, that was the one time I ever lost faith in the idea that my life would be better in three years. And what's funny is, three years from that moment, my life was amazing.

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 20

For the first time in my life, I don't want to find myself in three years with some random girl. No matter how many boobs she has.

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Quote by Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 20

Robin: 'Barney, I am not ready for them to find out about us.'
Barney: 'Then you're gonna have to stay in there for the entire trilogy. Don't worry, it's only 382 minutes.'
Robin: 'Nerd!'

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 20

Back boobs! The visual stimulation of missionary meets the emotional detachment of doggy style... patent pending.

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 20

I'm KFC baby - you don't mess with the Colonel's recipe!

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Quote by Marshall Eriksen from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 20

Ted: 'Every three years we sit down and Tril' it up big time, agreed?'
Marshall: 'Agreed-o!'

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Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 20

Marshall: 'Dude, if we fail this econ final, for the rest of our lives we're not gonna be able to... we won't know how to... do you even know what 'econ' is?'
Ted: 'No idea. We're screwed.'

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Quote by Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 11

Here are a few fun facts about Long Island... Number 1: It's Brooklyn's fart-trail.

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Quote by Marshall Eriksen from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 10

Usually after a sandwich, I feel paranoid, but I'm not. WHY AM I NOT BEING PARANOID??

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 19

Fine I'll fill her in and I am so angry I am not even goin' to make a joke about 'filling her in'... which I did three times last night. Self-five!

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Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 9

Ted: 'Luckily, you are friends with a former Boy Scout and a Boy Scout is always what?'
Robin: 'Unpopular?'
Lily: 'Beaten up?'
Barney: 'Going to the movies with his mom?'
Ted: 'A Boy Scout is always prepared...'
Robin: '...prepared to spend lunch in his locker?'
Marshall: '...prepared to die a virgin?'
Barney: '...prepared to paint his sister's nails?'

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 18

Ted: 'In a city of eight million people, you happened to walk into the club where she works? Maybe it's destiny.'
Barney: 'No, Destiny strips at 'The Melon Patch'. They're people, Ted. Try to keep them straight!'

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Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 17

Which meant for the first time in years, the world was wide open. Because kids, when a door closes... well, you know the rest.

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Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 16

Kids, sometimes you realize, the journey you've been taking has reached its final stop. So, the question becomes: Where do you go next?

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 16

Damn it, Ted! I was about to drop some sweet word play about logarithms and getting into a rhythm with my log.

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Quote by Kevin from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 16

Kevin: 'Well, it's a close one. Lily made 14 awkward references to marriage and Marshall made an even 60.'
Robin: 'I'm so sorry, Kevin.'
Kevin: 'It's okay. I'm gonna go to bed, but you guys think tomorrow we can stop with all the marriage talk?'
Lily: 'I do.'
Marshall: 'I do.'
Kevin: 'That's a half a point each.'

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 16

Ted: 'Oh, screw 'The One'!'
Barney: 'What?'
Ted: 'Every date I've been on lately has been brutal. Last week, I went out with a girl whose favorite band was Glee. Plus, it's almost Valentine's Day and I'm alone without anything close to a girlfriend. So... all aboard!'
Barney: 'I have never been more proud of you.'

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 16

It's 'The Little Engine with Wood', 'The Whore-ient Express', 'The Long Island Tail Road'!

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Quote by Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 16

Lily: 'Sorry this is taking so long. He kicked for everybody else.'
Marshall: 'It's hard for the little guy to perform under pressure.'
Barney: 'Top ten things Marshall said on his wedding night.'
Kevin: 'Wow! It was small, but I think I felt something.'
Robin: 'Top ten things Lily said on her wedding night.'

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Quote by Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 15

Ted: 'You know Robin? Been thinking about it. Guess it's kind of nice you're such a bad-ass.'
Robin: 'It's pretty bad-ass you're so nice, Ted.'

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Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 15

Robin: 'She was gonna get the last kugel.'
Ted: 'She was 90 years old. It was probably gonna be her last kugel.'

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Quote by Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 15

Robin: 'Sometimes in life you have to be assertive and stand up for yourself.'
Ted: 'You called her a whore!'
Robin: 'Who wears that much make up?'
Ted: 'Old ladies!'
Robin: 'Who take money for sex, exactly!'

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Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 14

Would the five of us always live within a few minutes of that booth? No, that's life, kids, but here's what I discovered: Our booth was wherever the five of us were together.

Friendship
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Quote by Marshall Eriksen from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 14

Lily, I think we made a mistake moving out to the suburbs. I miss our home. I miss our booth with our friends. And I'm pretty sure I have a drumstick... somewhere bad.

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Quote by Marshall Eriksen from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 14

Marshall: 'The last time I lived this far from him, was my semester abroad.'
Lily: 'You never did a semester abroad?'
Marshall: 'That's what I called it, when we lived on opposite sides of the campus.'

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 14

Yes! Tonight is gonna be Legen... wait, are we sure it's a good idea to go to a strip club? Shut up, Lily! I'm in charge now... Dary!

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 14

Ted: 'Barney! I'm allowed to miss them, okay? They're my two best friends.'
Barney: 'I'm your two best friends!'

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Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 14

Hey look, it's the New York City skyline.
We built Chip City... we built Chip City on all your dough!

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Quote by Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 13

Sandy Rivers: 'I don't know what went wrong.'
Robin: 'Well, proposing a three way was bad. Starting without us was worse. Finishing in the hallway was the nail in the coffin.'

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 12

So you're pregnant? Huh, looks like nobody told your boobs.

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Quote by Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 12

Robin: 'I wouldn't go to Cleveland for 125 million dollars, paid over six years.'
Ted: 'Still with the LeBron jokes? Where's that ring he's supposed to have by now?'

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Quote by Kevin from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 10

If we're together long enough I hope that one day you see yourself like I do.

Love, Relationships
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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 10

Robin: 'I'm such a mess. Why do you even like me?'
Barney: 'I guess cause you're almost as messed up as I am.'

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 6 Episode 19

Think of the pickup plays we can run as a father-son duo. There's the 'Father Knows Breast', there's the 'Bush Dynasty', the 'Lick Father, Lick Son'.

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 9

You could help a friend, but instead you're choosing the hot girl in the tight tank-top. Your training is complete, I'm so proud of this kid!

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Quote by Marshall Eriksen from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 8

Lily, you just gave those children a stapler, a pair of sharp scissors and a pretty decent Pinot Noir.

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 8

Ted: 'First it was too much eye-contact, then not enough - where do you look during sex?'
Barney: 'Into the hidden camera at future me, watching it.'

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 7

Hey kid, you know how your mom won't let you have icecream 'til after dinner, but then the waiting kind of makes it taste better? Well, I've been waiting two months for that bowl of ice cream - and tonight I'm gonna have sex with it.

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Quote by James Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 7

The Pork Authority is closed. Looks like it's Hand Central Station for you little buddy.

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 7

We just don't wanna rush anything, okay? We decided to wait, until she decides to let me have sex with her.

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Quote by Lily Aldrin from How I Met Your Mother in Season 6 Episode 18

Your heart's talking to you, Barney. Do you have the guts to listen to it?

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 6 Episode 18

Doctor: 'Don't worry, it's totally safe. Unless part of your big date involves connecting yourself to a car battery.'
Barney: 'Well, now it doesn't.'

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Characters from How I Met Your Mother