Quotes from How I Met Your Mother (TV-series) (Page 7)

How I Met Your Mother is a US tv-series. The quotes from the main characters Ted Mosby, Barney Stinson, Robin Scherbatsky, Lily Aldrin and Marshall Eriksen make the series legendary.

Right now, the ninth season of How I Met Your Mother is running on CBS.

Quotes from How I Met Your Mother (TV-series)
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 2

I don't wanna be choosing between two girls, I wanna be a complete head over heels idiot for one!

Love
6
0
Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 2

I guess, if we're splitting hairs, then technically... there was a plurality to the times I've lied to women for sex-having-purposes.

0
0
Quote by Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 1

Ted: 'All my friends from high-school, they're here with their wifes or kids. My date for the night is a sticky magazine...'
Robin: 'Sounds like high-school all over again!'

0
0
Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 1

Get ready, Cleveland. The last man to screw you that hard and then disappear, was LeBron James!

1
0
Quote by Marshall Eriksen from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 1

Lily: 'Whenever we board a flight, you lick the plane!'
Marshall: 'Have we crashed even once?'

1
0
Quote by Lily Aldrin from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 1

Robin: 'Who wants hot-wings?'
Lily: 'I'm in... or maybe we should just pour hot-sauce on Barney, since he's a total chicken.'

2
0
Quote by Marshall Eriksen from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 1

The only person on earth, who loves Ted Mosby more than Marshall Eriksen, is drunk Marshall Eriksen!

1
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 1

Marshall really took a two-flusher on that one!

0
0
Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 2 Episode 18

Ted, your throwing your life away. This girl is blinding you with her shiny hair and her boob-shaped boobs!

0
0
Quote by Marshall Eriksen from How I Met Your Mother in Season 2 Episode 17

Marshall: 'The broken windows?'
Lily: 'We had to make it look realistic.'
Marshall: 'But why did you break two of them?'
Robin: 'It looked like fun when she did it, so I wanted to try.'
Marshall: 'I can't believe this whole time it was you guys; I've been blaming Really Tan Dancing Leotard guy.'

2
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 2 Episode 17

Your car's gonna be fine, this is the best auto-shop around. Look at this certificate, one of the mechanics here...
[reads the certificate]
...finished a 64 ounce steak.

1
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 2 Episode 16

Ted: 'I thought you said you got rid of everything your ex-boyfriends gave you?'
Robin: 'Well yeah, but not my dogs.'
Ted: 'You said everything.'
Robin: 'But not living things.'
Ted: 'Tell that to the rare bolivian cactus i threw away!'

0
0
Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 5 Episode 5

I'll help you study. We're gonna stay up all night long. I'm gonna drill you and then we're gonna study. No, seriously. We're gonna do some cramming and then we're gonna study. No, seriously. We're gonna bone up on...

0
0
Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 2 Episode 15

Lily: 'We'll all have a wedding dress camp-out. It'll be fun!'
Barney: 'I can't go. I've got this thing.'
Lily: 'What thing?'
Barney: 'A penis!'

1
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 2 Episode 14

Because sometimes, even when you know how something's gonna end, that doesn't mean you can't enjoy the ride.

2
0
Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 2 Episode 14

I'm going out of this world the same way I came into it: Buck-naked. Yeah. It's gonna be awesome. Open bar for the guys, open casket for the ladies. What up?

0
0
Quote by Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother in Season 2 Episode 13

Ted: 'Robin! I just had a great idea!'
Robin: 'Oh, do whatever you want to me, just don't wake me up.'

1
0
Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 2 Episode 12

Freeways have exits, so do relationships. The first exit, my personal favourite, is six hours in: You meet, you talk, you have sex, you exit when she's in the shower.

0
0
Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 2 Episode 12

Discouraging premarital sex is against my religion.

Sex
0
0
Quote by Marshall Eriksen from How I Met Your Mother in Season 2 Episode 12

Lily: 'That's Dirty Dancing!'
Ted: 'It was on last night.'
Marshall: 'No, it was two nights ago. 'She's Like the Wind' has been stuck in my brain for about 40 hours. I just got it out; now it's back in. Damn you, Swayze!'

0
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 2 Episode 11

Robin: 'You mean the whiny, bottomless pit of neediness? He was bugging me so I spiked his echinacea tea with codeine.'
Ted: 'You would be a great mom.'

0
0
Quote by Lily Aldrin from How I Met Your Mother in Season 2 Episode 11

Ted: 'Grinch, Grinch, Grinch, Grinch!'
[The lights turn out]
Lily: 'Happy? Now you pissed up the big guy upstairs!'
Ted: 'Yeah, I'm sure god cares if I...'
Man: 'You use that language again and I turn off your water!'
Lily: 'It's my super - he lives above me.'

1
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 2 Episode 17

Ted: '[to Marshall, lying next to him] Marshall, are you still thinking about Lily?'
Marshall: 'Yeah.'
Ted: 'Please stop!'

0
0
Quote by Marshall Eriksen from How I Met Your Mother in Season 4 Episode 6

Stella hated Star Wars! She lied to you. Search your feelings, Ted. You know it to be true!

0
0
Quote by Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother

Okay, I've missed you. Not in a 'we're gonna make out' way, not even in an 'I forgive you' way. Just in an 'I've missed you' way.

Missing Someone
3
0
Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother

There's kids playing hockey in the back. It's like you want us to make fun of you!

0
0
Quote by Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother in Season 5 Episode 14

If one of the Vancouver Canucks walked in here, my panties would drop so hard, there would be a hole in the floor halfway to China.

0
0
Quote by Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother in Season 5 Episode 16

Robin: 'What? I am not keeping Mike on a hook!'
Ted: 'You are Captain Hook!'
Robin: 'Dude, I'm a girl, ok? Our girl parts are like a spider webs; sometimes you are gonna catch stuff you don't want.'

2
0
Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 5 Episode 16

Dude, ditch Tiffany and join the Barnacle in the Pharma-Girl-Free-For-All. Side effects may include: loss of clothing, rug burns, shortness of breath and soar abdominals the next morning. What in the world is up!

0
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 5 Episode 18

Well, Amanda is going to make Lily a cake, she's a chef! We met when I was at a restaurant last week and I sent some soup back. Luckily she's got such pretty hair I didn't mind eating a little bit of it.

0
0
Quote by Lily Aldrin from How I Met Your Mother

Ted: 'I could end up marrying this woman; I want our first kiss to be special.'
Lily: 'Oh, that's sweet. So you chickened out like a little bitch?'

0
0
Quote by Lily Aldrin from How I Met Your Mother

Ted: 'I hate how you're always right.'
Lily: 'It's my best, and most annoying, trait.'

2
0
Quote by Marshall Eriksen from How I Met Your Mother in Season 2 Episode 9

Barney: 'On your tombstone, it will be, 'Lily Aldrin. Caring wife. Loving friend. Slapbet-Commissioner.''
Marshall: 'And your tombstone will read, 'Got slapped by Marhsall so hard he died.''

1
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 2 Episode 9

Have you been arrested in a mall?
Dumped in a mall?
Turned out you're Canadian in a mall?

0
0
Quote by Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother in Season 2 Episode 9

Ted: 'You're scared of the seven dwarves?'
Robin: 'Just of Doc. He's creepy... I mean, the guy went to medical school, what is he doing living with six coalminers.'

1
0
Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 2 Episode 8

Lily: 'We're going to Atlantic City to elope - right now!'
Barney: 'Oh, congratulations Lily! Marshall, you're getting married? What the hell?'

0
0
Quote by Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother in Season 2 Episode 8

Woman: 'You know this isn't Vegas, right?'
Robin: 'Well sure, in Vegas the casinos pump in oxygen, here it looks like everyone brought their own.'

0
0
Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 2 Episode 3

Robin, I'm his best friend, that's a commitment. Girlfriend, that's like a bad flu. Out of your system after a couple of weeks in bed.

0
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 2 Episode 3

When I have kids, and I tell them how I met their mother, I'm gonna tell them everything. The whole damn story.

2
0
Quote by Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother in Season 2 Episode 3

I'm a genetic goldmine! No family history of diabetes or heart disease, everyone has non-porous teeth and perfect eyesight. I had one schizophrenic uncle, but even he had perfect vision. Which was unfortunate for the people around the bell tower he was in.

0
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 2 Episode 3

Stacey, six kids in five years! The woman's basically a ride to the waterpark.

0
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 2 Episode 3

Barney: 'Ted, it's a well-known statistic, that 83% of people, married longer than 6 months, are saving someone on the side.'
Ted: 'Do you know that when you make up a statistic, you always use 83% ?'

0
0
Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 2 Episode 1

Whats your prescription, Dr. Estrogen? Eat Haagen-Dazs and watch 'Love... actually' until your periods sync up?

0
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 2 Episode 1

Because were baseball, strippers and guns can't help, the only thing that can really heal a broken heart, is time.

Heart, Breakup & Lovesick
0
0
Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 2 Episode 1

Ted: 'Oh hey, where are you guys?'
Barney: 'We're in a fundraiser, helping young women raise money for community college.'
Ted: 'Stripclub... nice!'

College
1
0
Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 2 Episode 1

Any time, a girl wants to get back at her ex-bodyfriends, we'll be there.
Any time, a girl wants to solve her father-issues through promiscuity and binge drinking we will be there.
Any time a bachelorette party drives through the city in a limo, sticking their heads out the sunroof, shouting 'what's up New York?', we will be what is 'up' New York!

0
0
Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 1 Episode 10

Know what time it is? It's do-o-clock, lets ride!

0
0
Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 2 Episode 13

In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland. True story!

0
0
Quote by Lily Aldrin from How I Met Your Mother in Season 1 Episode 8

Lily: 'A swordfight? On Monday I'm gonna have to tell my kindergarten class, who I teach not to run with scissors, that my fiancé ran me through with a freakin' broadsword.'
Marshall: 'Well... just to be fair, it didn't go all the way through.'
Lily: 'I'm sorry, is this a discussion of the degree to which you stabbed me?'

2
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 1 Episode 8

I never wanted any of it to change, but that's not how life works.

Change
5
0

Characters from How I Met Your Mother