People make fun of the guy who stays at home every night doing nothing, but the truth is that guy is a genius.0
Every night can't be legendary. If all nights are legendary, no nights are legendary!Legendary0
If there was any shame in a dude getting a pedicure I don't think there would've been a feature about it in Details magazine.0
Ted, every little boy wants to grow up to nail the doctor, or the lawyer. Somebody's gotta nail the receptionist.0
Kids, that was the one time I ever lost faith in the idea that my life would be better in three years. And what's funny is, three years from that moment, my life was amazing.0
For the first time in my life, I don't want to find myself in three years with some random girl. No matter how many boobs she has.0
Robin: 'Barney, I am not ready for them to find out about us.'
Barney: 'Then you're gonna have to stay in there for the entire trilogy. Don't worry, it's only 382 minutes.'
Back boobs! The visual stimulation of missionary meets the emotional detachment of doggy style... patent pending.0
I'm KFC baby - you don't mess with the Colonel's recipe!0
Ted: 'Every three years we sit down and Tril' it up big time, agreed?'
Marshall: 'Dude, if we fail this econ final, for the rest of our lives we're not gonna be able to... we won't know how to... do you even know what 'econ' is?'
Ted: 'No idea. We're screwed.'
Here are a few fun facts about Long Island... Number 1: It's Brooklyn's fart-trail.0
Usually after a sandwich, I feel paranoid, but I'm not. WHY AM I NOT BEING PARANOID??0
Fine I'll fill her in and I am so angry I am not even goin' to make a joke about 'filling her in'... which I did three times last night. Self-five!0
Ted: 'Luckily, you are friends with a former Boy Scout and a Boy Scout is always what?'
Lily: 'Beaten up?'
Barney: 'Going to the movies with his mom?'
Ted: 'A Boy Scout is always prepared...'
Robin: '...prepared to spend lunch in his locker?'
Marshall: '...prepared to die a virgin?'
Barney: '...prepared to paint his sister's nails?'
Ted: 'In a city of eight million people, you happened to walk into the club where she works? Maybe it's destiny.'
Barney: 'No, Destiny strips at 'The Melon Patch'. They're people, Ted. Try to keep them straight!'
Which meant for the first time in years, the world was wide open. Because kids, when a door closes... well, you know the rest.0
Kids, sometimes you realize, the journey you've been taking has reached its final stop. So, the question becomes: Where do you go next?0
Damn it, Ted! I was about to drop some sweet word play about logarithms and getting into a rhythm with my log.0
Kevin: 'Well, it's a close one. Lily made 14 awkward references to marriage and Marshall made an even 60.'
Robin: 'I'm so sorry, Kevin.'
Kevin: 'It's okay. I'm gonna go to bed, but you guys think tomorrow we can stop with all the marriage talk?'
Lily: 'I do.'
Marshall: 'I do.'
Kevin: 'That's a half a point each.'
Ted: 'Oh, screw 'The One'!'
Ted: 'Every date I've been on lately has been brutal. Last week, I went out with a girl whose favorite band was Glee. Plus, it's almost Valentine's Day and I'm alone without anything close to a girlfriend. So... all aboard!'
Barney: 'I have never been more proud of you.'
It's 'The Little Engine with Wood', 'The Whore-ient Express', 'The Long Island Tail Road'!0
Lily: 'Sorry this is taking so long. He kicked for everybody else.'
Marshall: 'It's hard for the little guy to perform under pressure.'
Barney: 'Top ten things Marshall said on his wedding night.'
Kevin: 'Wow! It was small, but I think I felt something.'
Robin: 'Top ten things Lily said on her wedding night.'
Ted: 'You know Robin? Been thinking about it. Guess it's kind of nice you're such a bad-ass.'
Robin: 'It's pretty bad-ass you're so nice, Ted.'