Quotes from How I Met Your Mother (TV-series) (Page 9)

How I Met Your Mother is a US tv-series. The quotes from the main characters Ted Mosby, Barney Stinson, Robin Scherbatsky, Lily Aldrin and Marshall Eriksen make the series legendary.

Right now, the ninth season of How I Met Your Mother is running on CBS.

Quotes from How I Met Your Mother (TV-series)
Quotes 401 to 444 of 444123456789
Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 6 Episode 17

She had a nice face, her booty was in place, but Barney don't chase.

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Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 6 Episode 16

Player play on - high V!

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Quote by Nora from How I Met Your Mother in Season 6 Episode 16

There is one difference between you and me: I'm not saying any of this to get in your pants.

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 6 Episode 16

February 13th. A magical night, where a ten has the self esteem of a four and the depraved enthusiasm of a two.

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Quote by Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother in Season 6 Episode 16

So that's it? A couple of white Urkels offer you sausages and you're gone?

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Quote by Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother in Season 6 Episode 16

Desperation Day has come and gone and you have neither gone nor come.

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Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 6 Episode 15

I'd say hump her brain out, but somebody obviously already has.

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 5 Episode 3

I like my testicles attached to my body, rather than rolling around next to some eyeliner in Robin's purse. Stinson out!

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 5 Episode 6

There are so many great things to do with the human mouth, why waste it on talking?

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 5 Episode 7

You know what they say about relationships. Every waking moment's a battle.

Relationships
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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 5 Episode 8

Since I stopped dating Robin, there's this thing I haven't used as much as I would like. It's kind of big. Surprisingly heavy. Kind of leathery. And it's black.
This, my friends, is the playbook!

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Quote by Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother in Season 6 Episode 14

Ted: 'You're like Mary Poppins, if her magic purse was also filled with drugs.'
Robin: 'If? Ted, the kids in that movie jumped into a painting and spent 15 minutes chasing a cartoon fox. Spoonful of sugar? Grow Up!'

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 2 Episode 1

Ted, I believe you and I met for a reason. It's like the universe was saying: 'Hey Barney, there's this dude, he's pretty cool, but it's your job to make him awesome.'

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother

One of the 24 similarities between women and fish are they're both attracted to shiny objects.

Women
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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 4 Episode 21

I'm sorry, can you repeat that? I don't speak 'I-never-get-laid'.

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 6 Episode 9

There is a 83% correlation between times when men are wearing a boutonniere and when they are getting laid... proms, weddings, funerals... thanks for the redhead, grandma! By the way, did you know that 'boutonniere' is french for 'booty is near'?

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 3 Episode 4

She really had a fat but: her fat butt!

Puns
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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 6 Episode 11

Breast-feeding... hot!
When those things swell up to three times their normal size, so do I.

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 6 Episode 11

You lie to your husband all the time...
'That shirt looks great on you.',
'I love your mom.',
'I never fantasize about Barney when we're doing it.'
Sound familiar, Pinocchio?

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 6 Episode 11

Lily: 'Anytime a single guy hangs out with a married woman there are rules that must be followed: Rule number one...'
Barney: 'Don't use the husband's condoms, that's just rude!'

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 6 Episode 12

Lily: 'I'm pregnant.'
Barney: 'I've never seen that woman before in my life! Sorry - force of habit, congratulations!'

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 6 Episode 12

I am Mr. Charity. I frequently sleep with sixes, chubsters, over thirty's. I am the Bill and Melinda Gates of the sympathy bang.

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Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 4 Episode 6

Kids, you may think your only choices are to swallow your anger or throw it in someone's face, but there's a third option: You can just let it go, and only when you do that is it really gone and you can move forward.

Breakup & Lovesick, Comforting
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Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 6 Episode 8

Oh my god, you have a monocle! Is this real? Is this really happening? Good luck killing James Bond!

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 4 Episode 15

Marshall: 'You're really telling me, that when you watch 'The Karate Kid', you don't root for Daniel-san?'
Barney: 'Nope.'
Ted: 'Who do you root for in 'Die Hard'?'
Barney: 'Hans Gruber. Charming international bandit. At the end, he died hard. He's the title character.'
Lily: 'Okay, 'The Breakfast Club'?'
Barney: 'The teacher running detention. He's the only guy in the whole movie wearing a suit.'
Robin: 'I got one. 'Terminator'.'
Barney: 'What's the name of the movie, Robin? Who among us didn't shed a tear when his little red eye went out at the end, and he didn't get to kill these people?'

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother

Never buy a girl flowers, 'cause giving her a living thing reminds her of babies.

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 4 Episode 7

God. It's me, Barney. What up? I know we don't talk much, but I know a lot of girls call out your name because of me. Awesome!

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 4 Episode 14

Barney: 'Check it out, I made a little game.'
Lottery Girl: 'And tonight's lotto numbers are: 19...'
Barney: '...age you moved to New York after a photographer 'discovered' you at a food court and said he would get you into Vogue Magazine.'
Lotto Girl: '53...'
Barney: '...number of semi-nude pictures he took of you before you realized he had no connection to Vogue Magazine.'
Lotto Girl: '22...'
Barney: '...age you claim you are.'
Lotto Girl: '31...'
Barney: '...age you actually are.'
Lotto Girl: '45...'
Barney: '...number of minutes it would take me to get you into a cab, out of your dress and into my Jacuzzi.'
Lotto Girl: 'And tonight's Super Big Ball is...'
Barney: '...what happens after we get out of the Jacuzzi. What Up?!'

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Quote by Lily Aldrin from How I Met Your Mother in Season 4 Episode 15

Barney, check it! Three blond babies drinking bad-decision-juice at eight o'clock.

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Quote by Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother in Season 4 Episode 15

Ted: 'Where does this girl live?'
Robin: 'We're talking about a woman who's gotten Barney to commit. I'm guessing Narnia.'

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 6 Episode 9

He has got to go. You need to be like:
You are the weakest link goodbye!
Punchy, the tribe has spoken.
Please pack up your knives and go.
Your work of art, didn't work for me.
You're times up.
I have to ask you to leave the mansion.
You must leave the chateau.
Your tour ends here.
You've been chopped!
You've been evicted from the Big Brother house.
Your desert just didn't measure up.
Sashay away!
Give me your jacket and leave Hell's kitchen!
You did not get a rose.
You have been eliminated from the race.
You are no longer in the running to be America's Next Top Model.
You're fired.
Auf Wiedersehen.

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Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother

Sometimes, even when you know something's a mistake, you gotta make it anyway.

Failures, Fate / Destiny
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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 4 Episode 23

Give it a week, you'll get her back. And her front.
Oh! Did you feel that? I think we just had a 'what up?'-quake!

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 5 Episode 19

A lie is just a great story that someone ruined with the truth.

Lies
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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 5 Episode 11

Barney: 'I only smoke in certain situations. Postcoital, when I'm with Germans, sometimes those two overlap, coital, birthdays, to annoy my mom, precoital, on a sailboat, the day the Mets are mathematically eliminated every year and pregnancy scares.'
Ted: 'Why are you smoking right now?'
Barney: 'I'm always precoital, Ted.'

Smoking
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Quote by Lily Aldrin from How I Met Your Mother in Season 1 Episode 16

Oh, this dress is totally going to get me laid on my wedding night.

Sex
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Quote by Lily Aldrin from How I Met Your Mother

Hey, nice shirt, Ted. Is it yesterday already?

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Quote by Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother in Season 1 Episode 20

Nerds who aren't good at math?
Life is going to be rough boys!

Mathematics, Nerds
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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 2 Episode 19

Ted: 'She was 15?!'
Barney: 'No. A 15. Like in blackjack.'
Ted: 'As in.. not sure whether you'd hit it?'
Barney: 'Exactly!'

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 1 Episode 14

Ted, the only reason to wait a month for sex is if the girl is 17 years and 11 months old.

Sex
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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 3 Episode 1

Female acrobats from Montreal, super flexible...
We┬┤re gonna get Cirque du so-laid!

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 3 Episode 5

Think of me as Yoda - only, instead of being little and green, I wear suits and I'm awesome. I'm your bro. I'm Broda.

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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother

It's going to be legen...
wait for it - and I hope you're not lactose-intolerant cause the second half of that word is
...da(i)ry!

Legendary
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Quote by Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother in Season 2 Episode 1

When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True Story.

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Quotes 401 to 444 of 444123456789

Characters from How I Met Your Mother