We home school 'em. I teach the big ones, and the big ones teach the little ones, but nobody taught me, so the whole thing is an exercise in futility.
The Simpsons - Season 18 Episode 14
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To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems!
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Abraham Simpson in The Simpsons - Season 9 Episode 19
4If I didn't have this gun, the king of England could walk right in here and start pushing you around.
Homer Simpson in The Simpsons - Season 9 Episode 5
3This is America. Anyone can eat what they want, as long as they eat too much.
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3No son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies, and kids with fake IDs.
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3All right, brain. You don't like me and I don't like you, but let's just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer.
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2Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail.
Homer Simpson in The Simpsons - Season 14 Episode 2
2Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
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2Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene'.
If you don't like your job, you don't strike: you just go in every day and do it really half a-sed. That's the American way.
Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.
America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well… all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay!
Ooh, the Patriot Act is so terrible! The government might find out what library books I take out! What's next, finding out what operas I go to?
Good things don't end with "eum", they end with "mania" or "teria".
When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power. Like God must feel when he's holding a gun.
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I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life.
Number 1: "Cover for me."
Number 2: "Oh, good idea, Boss!"
Number 3: "It was like that when I got here."
Number 1: "Cover for me."
Number 2: "Oh, good idea, Boss!"
Number 3: "It was like that when I got here."
Homer: "Do you want the job done right or do you want it done fast?"
Marge: "Well, like all Americans… fast!"
Marge: "Well, like all Americans… fast!"
Lip: "Hey, whoa. You really think they deserve your hard-earned money for that service?"
Frank: "Dine and dash?"
Lip: "Bite and bolt."
Frank: "Eat it and beat it?"
Frank: "Dine and dash?"
Lip: "Bite and bolt."
Frank: "Eat it and beat it?"
Shameless - Season 3 Episode 12
What can I say, once you go white, you always stay tight. Hey, I think I just insulted myself.
Kevin Ball in Shameless - Season 3 Episode 12
Frank: "What did they get you for again?"
"Beat my ex-wife to death with a telephone."
Frank': "Cordless or landline?"
"Beat my ex-wife to death with a telephone."
Frank': "Cordless or landline?"
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Been sleeping in this car six years. Pissed, puked, jizzed in it. By law of bodily fluids, it's mine.
Shameless - Season 3 Episode 11