Nerds - The best Jokes and Quotes

Penny: "Leonard, I didn't know you played the cello."
Leonard: "Yeah, my parents felt that naming me Leonard and putting me in advanced placement classes wasn't getting me beaten up enough."

She is cheating. No one can be that attractive and this skilled at a video game.

Marshall: "When a woman puts on an engagement ring, it's like when Bilbo Baggins wears the One Ring in The Hobbit."
Robin: "Okay, can you say that again, but not in nerd?"
Marshall: "Sure. Uh, the ring is like the cloak that Harry Potter wears to sneak around Hogwarts."
Robin: "Yeah, I don't speak virgin either."

So in your world... you're like the "cool guys".

Leoanrd: "Is this the high-IQ spermbank?"
Woman: "If you have to ask, maybe you shouldn't be here!"

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe trying to build bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning.

I'm a princess, even if my kingdom is pixelated.

Oh my god, I'm lying in bed with a beautiful woman who can quote Yoda!

Nerds who aren't good at math?
Life is going to be rough boys!

Liking comic books is popular, environmental awareness, being tolerant. If I was just born ten years later, I would have been the coolest person ever.

Everyone's a nerd inside. I don't care how "cool" you are.

Dating Apps? No thanks, if I wanted to talk to someone for hours and accomplish nothing, I'd contact tech support.

I just use zeros and ones instead of words, 'cause words will let you down. But zeros and ones, never.

I'm not a nerd. I'm smart. There's a difference.

I'm still a geek on the inside, that's the important thing.

All successful people were once unpopular nerds. Guys like us who get treated like losers by everyone, until one day, they had it and they step up. Nerd today, boss tomorrow.

Someone who I would describe as a "geek" or "nerd" is a person who loves something to its greatest extent and then looks for other people who love it the same way so they can celebrate loving it together.

It probably wasn't until I was a freshman in high school and I met the people who became my gaming group that I finally found people who were weird like I was: that loved reading and playing games and not just watching a science fiction or fantasy movie but talking all about it.

Comicon is basically a bunch of pathetic virgins ogling some p-rn star dressed as Catwoman.

Samantha Sparks: "l too was a nerd."
Flint: "Too?"

Tron: "If you are a User, then everything you've done has been according to a plan."
Flynn: "Ha! You wish! Well, you know what it was like. You just keep doin' what it looks like what you're supposed to be doin', no matter how crazy it seems."
Tron: "Well, that's the way it is for programs, yes."
Flynn: "I hate to disappoint you, pal, but most of the time, that's the way it is for Users too."

The programmers of tomorrow are the wizards of the future. You're going to look like you have magic powers compared to everybody else.

Computing lets people express their creativity and unlock solutions, and code is computing's universal language. All young people, including girls, deserve to be fluent in the language of the future.

IT-wisdom: Coding for weeks can save hours of planning.

That's the great thing about California, you can almost go to the mountains and almost go to the beach on the same day.

Physics answers the question, "What is the nature of the universe?" Geology answers the question, "What'd I just trip over?"

Marty: "Thanks for going to outer space, so no matter what I do, my mum will be disappointed in me."
Howard: "Well, I married a little catholic girl, so we're even."

Leonard: "I can't believe you've never seen 'Raiders of the Lost Ark'."
Penny: "And I can't believe you've never read 'Eat, Pray, Love'."
Leonard: "When she comes out with 'Eat, Pray, Run away from a giant boulder', I'll read it."

Sheldon: "At my age, do you know how I'm statistically most likely to die?"
Leonard: "At the hands of your roommate?"
Sheldon: "An accident."
Leonard: "That's how I'm going to make it look."

Being human totally sucks most of the time. Videogames are the only thing that make life bearable.

Well, maybe this isn't a breakup. Maybe this is two friends getting back together.

It's only once you've stopped, that you realize how hard it is to start again. So you force yourself not to want it.

Juan: "I'm not a child."
Sarkov: "No, you are a grown man who makes comic books for a living."
Juan: "Graphic novels."
Sarkov: "Okay."

If the world were a bar, America would currently be the angry drunk waving around a loaded gun. Yeah, the other people in the bar may be afraid of him, but they sure as hell don't respect him.

It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to.

True courage is about knowing not when to take a life, but when to spare one.

Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate; hate leads to suffering.

It's good you're changing. Just don't change too much.

Leonard: "For God's sake, Sheldon, do I have to... hold up a sarcasm sign every time I open my mouth?"
Sheldon: "You have a sarcasm sign?"

When I'm 80 years old and sitting in my rocking chair, I'll be reading Harry Potter. And my family will say to me, "After all this time?" And I will say: "Always."

I'm not saying it's brutally hot in my attic apartment, but two Hobbits just threw a ring in here.

This physicist goes into an ice cream parlor every week and orders an ice cream sundae for himself, and then offers one to the empty stool sitting next to him. This goes on for a while until the owner finally asks him what he's doing. The man says, "Well, I'm a physicist, and quantum mechanics teaches us, that it is possible for the matter above this stool to spontaneously turn into a beautiful woman who might accept my offer and fall in love with me." The owner then says, "Lots of single, beautiful women come in here ever day. Buy an ice cream for one of them, and they might fall in love with you." And the physicist says, "Yeah, but what are the odds of that happening?!"

Computers may out-think us one day, but as long as people got feelings we'll be better than they are.

Cady: "Yeah, I like math."
Damian: "Eww. Why?"
Cady: "Because it's the same in every country."

Captain Dickson: "New assignment. Since you two cowboys love to drink booze, smoke weed with kids, and f*ck anything with a big ass in jeans with low self-esteem, I'm gonna send you to a place where all that shit is allowed."
Jenko: "Oh, I love Disneyland!"
Captain Dickson: "You two sons of b*tches are going to college!"

I grew up in Florida, where if you weren't comfortable dancing, you weren't going to get any girls.

Smart women love smart men more than smart men love smart women.

Taste it? It's like my tongue had a baby with a sunrise.

Clyde: "She's probably hanging out with strippers, sipping smooth champagne, eating nachos filled with goose meat or something like that."
Lydia Berman: "Clyde, you have a really weird vision of how rich people live."