Quotes from Orange Is the New Black

Quotes from Orange Is the New Black
Quote by Nicky Nichols from Orange Is the New Black

You're a beautiful, sweet girl. Fuck this guy!

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Quote by Aleida Diaz from Orange Is the New Black

What do I think love is? It's like when someone makes your stomach feel all tight, but floaty at the same time, you know? And your cheeks hurt from smiling. And you smile so much, that people think something's wrong with you.
...And also fucking. Twenty-four seven, deep-dick, can't-walk-right fucking.

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Quote by Marisol 'Flaca' Gonzales & Maritza Ramos from Orange Is the New Black

(What's love to you?)
Flaca: It’s like getting into a bath, but the water is like warm chocolate pudding. And the Smiths are playing ‘There Is A Light That Never Goes Out.’ There’s mood lighting all over, and there’s like five dudes massaging you.
Maritza: And you have a pizza!
Flaca: She’s right. You also have a pizza.

Pizza
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Quote by Galina 'Red' Reznikov from Orange Is the New Black

All I wanted was to eat the chicken that is smarter than other chickens and to absorb it's power.

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Quote by Gloria Mendoza from Orange Is the New Black

You gotta move...The fuck...On!

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Quote by Maritza Ramos from Orange Is the New Black

If I hadn't buried my feelings so deep I would totally be tearing up right now.

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Quote by Tiffany 'Pennsatucky' Doggett from Orange Is the New Black

Pain is always there cause life is freaking painful, okay?

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Quote by Galina 'Red' Reznikov from Orange Is the New Black

I would very much like to return your witty banter, but I am too exhausted to be clever.

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Quote by Nicky Nichols from Orange Is the New Black

I hate it when you talk sometimes. No... all the time.

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Quote by Alex Vause from Orange Is the New Black

Rule Number One: Don't ever fall in love with a straight girl.

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Quote by Sophia Burset from Orange Is the New Black

(Love is) pain, horrible pain, that you want again and again.

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Quote by Nicky Nichols from Orange Is the New Black

You need to figure out what the fuck you want.

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Quote by Brook Soso from Orange Is the New Black in Season 3

I'm not surviving, I'm just existing.

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Quote by Alex Vause from Orange Is the New Black

I'm pretty much the master of handling things completely wrong.

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Quote by Alex Vause from Orange Is the New Black

Well, I think that... when you have a connection with someone, it never really goes away, you know?

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Quote by Maria Ruiz from Orange Is the New Black

It's like...It's like I'm a fucked-up-shit magnet.

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Quote by Dayanara Diaz from Orange Is the New Black

Stop crying. Remember? Crying makes you ugly and weak.

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Quote by Nicky Nichols from Orange Is the New Black

If you want my advice? Get out of your own goddamn drama for a minute.

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Quote by Big Boo from Orange Is the New Black in Season 3

Jesus was a fag! He said: 'This is my body. Eat me.'

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Quote by Nicky Nichols from Orange Is the New Black

I hate kids. They don't drink, they haven't travelled...

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Quote by Suzanne Warren from Orange Is the New Black

I am not crazy. I am unique.

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Quote by Nicky Nichols from Orange Is the New Black

There's always hope tomorrow'll be taco night.

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Quote by Larry Bloom from Orange Is the New Black in Season 1 Episode 8

Larry Bloom: 'Are we at least gonna talk about other options?'
Piper Chapman: 'You mean...'
Larry Bloom: 'It's not Voldemort, you can say it. Abortion.'

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Quote by Piper Chapman from Orange Is the New Black in Season 1 Episode 8

Larry Bloom: 'Piper, you put a pee stick in my rinsing cup.'
Piper Chapman: 'Well, you put your pee stick in my vagina. And that's why we're in this situation.'

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Quote by Susan Fischer from Orange Is the New Black in Season 1 Episode 7

The only difference between us is, when I made bad decisions in life, I didn't get caught.

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Quote by Joe Caputo from Orange Is the New Black in Season 1 Episode 7

Joe Caputo: 'You ever notice how some dog breeds, they sound kind of dirty? Like, shih tzu, cocker, Jack-something.'
Susan Fischer: 'Poodle.'
Joe Caputo: 'That is good, I didn't think of that one.'

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Quote by Larry Bloom from Orange Is the New Black in Season 1 Episode 7

Or I look single, 34 and single, which must mean there's something wrong with me. Like, you keep large reptiles in tanks, or I have a very special relationship with my mother.

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Quote by Nicky Nichols from Orange Is the New Black in Season 1 Episode 6

Piper: 'Not every Hispanic person wants the same thing.'
Lorna: 'Oh, sure they do. They all want to come to America.'
Nicky: 'Jesus, your entire world view is based on 'West Side Story', isn't it?'

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Quote by Nicky Nichols from Orange Is the New Black in Season 1 Episode 6

She's gotta start working on tightening her pussy muscles, 'cause her fiance's dick is so small, it's like a hot dog in a hallway.

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Quote by Piper Chapman from Orange Is the New Black in Season 1 Episode 5

Sam Healy: 'It's popular fiction. It's like global warming or female ejaculation.'
Piper: 'No! No. No, it's not. This is real.'
Sam Healy: 'How is it real? Wait, which?'
Piper: 'The chicken. And the... the chicken.'

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Quote by George 'Pornstache' Mendez from Orange Is the New Black in Season 1 Episode 5

What the hell is the matter with you? You tryin' out for the retard Olympics?

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Quote by Galina 'Red' Reznikov from Orange Is the New Black in Season 1 Episode 5

Red: 'Black girls hear about a chicken, of course this will happen.'
Piper: 'Why, because all black people love chicken?'
Red: 'Don't be racist. Because they're all on heroin, and somebody's been telling them there's heroin in the chicken.'

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Quote by George 'Pornstache' Mendez from Orange Is the New Black in Season 1 Episode 5

Pornstache: 'You are not an agent of God, okay? God can do so much better than you. You must know that, right?'
Pennsatucky: 'Know what?'
Pornstache: 'Jesus Christ, how the fuck did you survive infancy?'
Pennsatucky: 'My auntie helped my momma...'
Pornstache: 'That's a rhetorical question! Do you not understand what a fucking rhetorical question is?'

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Quote by Tiffany 'Pennsatucky' Doggett from Orange Is the New Black in Season 1 Episode 5

Pennsatucky: 'It weren't my fault. I was just doing as the Spirit commanded.'
Pussey: 'Fuck are you? Joan of Arc?'
Pennsatucky: 'No, I'm from Waynesboro, my name is Tiffany...'

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Quote by Lorna Morello from Orange Is the New Black in Season 1 Episode 5

Lorna Morello: 'I need to start tightening up. You're making me feel like a cave.'
Nicky Nichols: 'Baby, it's a cunt, it stretches!'
Lorna Morello: 'Yeah, sometimes I feel like you're trying to climb inside my womb.'

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Quote by Galina 'Red' Reznikov from Orange Is the New Black in Season 1 Episode 3

I'm missing half my zucchini. These girls don't realize I'm here to provide food, not dildos.

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Quote by Larry Bloom from Orange Is the New Black in Season 1 Episode 3

Well, I'm just gonna go jerk off then. For the 500th time today.

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Quote by Larry Bloom from Orange Is the New Black in Season 1 Episode 2

Guard: 'Inmate, step away from the machine.'
Larry: 'He just called you 'inmate'.'
Guard: 'You too, sir.'
Larry: 'Sorry.'

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Quote by Piper Chapman from Orange Is the New Black in Season 1 Episode 2

Honey, don't you think the little rocks would hurt your nose, if you're trying to snort crack? I think you mean coke.

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Quote by Piper Chapman from Orange Is the New Black in Season 1 Episode 1

Look, I found a rock that looks like a penis with one ball. It's my Lance Armstrong rock.

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Quote by Piper Chapman from Orange Is the New Black in Season 1 Episode 1

Oh my God, Larry, by the time I get out, there will've been like three new generations of iPhones!

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Quote by Larry Bloom from Orange Is the New Black in Season 1 Episode 1

Larry: 'Where would you like me to put it then, Piper?'
Piper: 'Up your ass.'
Larry: 'There's no room. Apparently, my head's already up there.'

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Quote by Piper Chapman from Orange Is the New Black in Season 1 Episode 1

Come on, we gotta rally. Make some memories.

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Quote by Pete Harper from Orange Is the New Black in Season 1 Episode 1

Larry: 'She's guilty she's leaving. It's a guilt pig roasting box.'
Pete: 'At least you get something. I'm not getting laid for a year too. But what do I get?'
Larry: 'A baby?'
Pete: 'You can't eat it.'

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Characters from Orange Is the New Black