The best Quotes from Shaqtin' A Fool

JaVale McGee, vice-president of 'Shaqtin' A Fool''s stock has been going down. I need you to get back on the court. JaVale McGee! I need you baby!

My kids are older now. They're kinda upset with me. They're not really upset, but they don't understand. I tell them all the time: "We" ain't rich. "I'm" rich.

I'm not worried about facing the Sacramento Queens. Write it down. Take a picture. I'm not going to talk about this all year. When I get back, there's going to be trouble.

I wish we had somebody in a leadership position in the White House who would bring people together.

I put a lot into it, and when I am done playing, I plan on going undercover and then being the sheriff or chief of police somewhere, either Miami or Orlando, I don't know yet.

There’s no words to express the pain Im going through with this tragedy of loosing my neice Gigi & my brother Kobe.

Me shooting 40% at the foul line is just God's way to say nobody's perfect.

I'm gonna miss a lot about the game. I'm going to miss the competition, the friendship, the fans, joking with the media and I'm really going to miss the free-throws.

For every $1 we could raise, they'll remove one pound of plastic from the ocean. We're trying to raise $30 million by the end of the year.

I'm having a really good time. The costume's probably slightly different than you might expect. But to go back into the role [of Obi-Wan] is great.

The circus came back to town in Washington for the second impeachment trial of Donald OJ. Trump.

It was nice to get to enjoy an inauguration without a pit of dread in your stomach.

Trump's leaving office with his lowest approval rating yet. It's down to 29%. Which, for someone who recently incited a insurrection to overthrow the government isn't bad. Honestly, what would he have to do to get below 20%, Eat the constitution? Trump has the lowest average approval rating of any president in the modern era. The only one to leave office with a lower rating than that was Kevin Spacey.

If Martin Luther King were alive today, he would probably watch the news and go, "let me be more specific about this dream I had."

What ever I would do, I would be the one I am today. I chose football and I'm sorry for the other fans that are cheering for other sports, because it would be the same thing.

People told me, "When you come to Los Angeles, don't worry, you can walk on the streets" But since day one, it's busy everywhere. But it's my own fault. 'Cause when you play the way I do, I mean.

I wanted to give Los Angeles a gift. I was thinking a long time. And then one day it came like: I should give myself.

When someone with a beard attacks us, we tap phones, we invoke travel-bans, we build walls we take care of every possible precaution to make sure it doesn't happen again. But when an American buys a gun and kills other Americans, then there's nothing we can do about that? Second ammendment, I guess. Our forfathers wanted us to have AK-47s is the argument, I assume.

"Is Kumail Nanjiani's d*ck multiple colors?"
"Yes. Every shade of your mom's lipstick. And her b*tthole."

I've been waiting for this moment for a long, long time. This is like when I lost my virginity, except this is gonna last way longer than one second.

Apple is believed to be partnering with American Express on a new mobile payment system, that would replace carrying credit cards around. That way, you can lose your naked pictures and all your money in one easy step.

They have a new high-end iPhone called the iPhone 5S. The 'S' stands for 'shut up and give us your money'.

Lip: "Hey, whoa. You really think they deserve your hard-earned money for that service?"
Frank: "Dine and dash?"
Lip: "Bite and bolt."
Frank: "Eat it and beat it?"

What can I say, once you go white, you always stay tight. Hey, I think I just insulted myself.

Frank: "What did they get you for again?"
"Beat my ex-wife to death with a telephone."
Frank': "Cordless or landline?"

Been sleeping in this car six years. Pissed, puked, jizzed in it. By law of bodily fluids, it's mine.

I have red hair, freckles and crooked teeth. I don't need any more character!

Debs, we need at least one person in this family to not turn cynical, and my money's been on you.

I don't go onto Facebook because I don't give a shit about whose pet just died or who just checked in at the f*cking McDonald's.