Mr Garrison: 'What is 5x2? Come on, children. Don't be shy, just give it your best shot. Yes, Clyde?'
Mr Garrison: 'Okay, now let's try to get an answer from someone who's not a complete retard.'
Wilson Aubry: 'You victimize innocent people and poop in little girls' mouths.'
Eric Cartman: 'That's not true, Wilson. We're Coon and Friends, not Harvey Weinstein.'
A blowjob isn't with your mouth, it's with your heart. Now get on your knees and put that heart to work.0
Gerald Broflovski: 'Well that does it, I'm going to the police!'
Stan: 'For what?'
Gerald Broflovski: 'To find out where Apple is keeping my son.'
Stan: 'Dude, when the police want to know where somebody is, they ask Apple!'
When a chick says we need to talk, you might as well start punching yourself in the balls, dude.0
Randy: 'Can't you see that if we fall to New Jersey, California is next?'
Schwarzenegger: 'No, because Utah is between Colorado and California.'
Randy: 'Fine. Well, when Utah gets taken over by New Jersey, then who's next?'
Randy: 'Oh really? Okay Mr. 'I'm Awesome at Geography'!'
Towelie had a girlfriend he really liked. Then she got pregnant and had a little wash cloth.0
[Playing Chatroulette with Kyle] This is the way the world works, if you want to find some quality friends you have to wade through all the dicks fist.Friendship0
Is that something I'd want to do? Is the Pope Catholic and making the world safe for pedophiles?0
Mr. Stotch: 'Butters, away from the window, you're being grounded.'
Butters: 'Sorry dad. I was just being the voice of a generation.'
Do you know what happened to the last people Germans were pissed off at? Tell him, Kyle!0
Stan: 'Dude,it actually wasn't a dolphin and a whale who bombed hiroshima, it was the...'
Cartman: 'Dude, they won't rest until whoever is responsible is completely wiped out!'
Stan: 'Rings that say they not gonna have sex or doing anything naughty anymore.'
Butters: 'A ring that says you'll be together but not have sex... isn't that called the wedding ring?'
Statistically speaking, the most bacteria-ridden place on the planet is the mouth of an American woman.0
Cartman: 'Went to sleep in my mom's car in the garage with the engine turned on.'
Stan: 'You didn't die?'
Cartman: 'Freakin' hybrids, man. They just don't do the trick anymore.'
Haven't Luke Skywalker and Santa Claus affected your lives more than most real people in this room? I mean, whether Jesus is real or not, he's had a bigger impact on the world than any of us have. And the same could be said of Bugs Bunny... and Superman and Harry Potter. They've changed my life, changed the way I act on the Earth. Doesn't that make them kind of real?Faith, Imagination0
Terrorist: 'America had other enemies before the Muslims, you know? Who is America's oldest enemy?'
Cartman: 'The Russians?'
Terrorist: 'Before that!'
Cartman: 'The Germans?'
Terrorist: 'Before that.'
Cartman: 'The Germans again?'
The only way to fight hate is with even more hate!0
I love life. Yeah, I'm sad, but at the same time, I'm really happy that something could make me feel that sad. It's like... it makes me feel alive, you know. It makes me feel human. The only way I could feel this sad now is if I felt something really good before. So I have to take the bad with the good. So I guess what I'm feeling is like a beautiful sadness.Life, Lovesick, Grief0
Cartman: 'Have you seen this trick? When someone's sleeping, you can take a glass of warm water, and when you put their hand in it...'
Stan: 'And then what?'
Cartman: '...and then you pee on them!'
Kyle: 'No, dude! You're supposed to put their hand in warm water to make THEM pee!'
Cartman: 'Really? Oh well.'
I can't lose weight, Butters, because I'm not fat, I'm big-boned. You can't slim down bones, stupid!0
Officer Barbrady, let's pretend for one second that we had a competent law enforcement officer in this town. What would he do?0
Cartman: 'I'm not the one walking around all day like Pippi Longstocking.'
Stan: 'Well, at least my mom isn't on the cover of Crack Whore magazine.'