Quotes by Ted Mosby (Page 2)

Quotes by Ted Mosby
Quotes 51 to 94 of 941 of 22 of 2
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 5 Episode 3

When you date someone, it's like you're taking one long course in who that person is and then, when you break up, all that stuff becomes useless. It's the emotional equivalent of an English degree...

Relationships
6
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 4 Episode 18

I've got to find a way to introduce some wood into Bilson's dark atrium. I think you know what I meant.

0
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 4 Episode 12

One minute we're just laying into each other, and then the next minute... well, same thing.

0
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 4 Episode 5

Kids, morals usually come at the end of stories, but this one is so important, I'm gonna tell you now. Don't ever, ever invite an ex to your wedding.

1
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 4 Episode 5

Stella's sister: 'I'm a vegan. I wish I could tune out that moral voice inside me, that says eating animals is murder. But I guess I'm just not as strong as you are.'
Ted: 'That's 'cause you need protein. I'll have the lamb.'

0
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 3 Episode 18

Stella: 'Ted, you're staring at my breasts.'
Ted: 'In fairness... they were staring at me.'

0
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 3 Episode 11

This is New York City, don't get close to the neighbours. You nod at them politely in the hall, you call the cops if you haven't seen them in a while and you smell something funny and that's it!

New York City, Neighbors
0
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 3 Episode 7

I appreciate your help, but there's a reason your name is 'Robin', not 'Batman'.

0
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 3 Episode 4

Marshall: 'Neither of you guys has any game, right? Or else you'd be married. Like me. If dating is the game, then marriage is winning the game.'
Ted: 'Yeah, if you're playing in the women's league!'

0
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 3 Episode 4

Barney: 'You can't spell 'game' without 'me' and 'me' has the best game.'
Ted: 'Yeah well, I got so much game,
I'm Cornish game hen.'
Barney: 'Oh, yeah? I'm the New York State
gaming commissioner.'
Ted: 'Well, I'm The Game. Well-crafted, keep-you-guessing thriller starring
Michael Douglas and Sean Penn.'

1
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 2

Kids, you can't talk yourself into falling in love. It doesn't take days of deliberation. When it's real, you know pretty quickly and with absolute certainty.
I had forgotten that, but I was about to be reminded...

Love, Falling in love
6
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 2

I don't wanna be choosing between two girls, I wanna be a complete head over heels idiot for one!

Love
6
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 7 Episode 1

Marshall really took a two-flusher on that one!

0
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 2 Episode 17

Your car's gonna be fine, this is the best auto-shop around. Look at this certificate, one of the mechanics here...
[reads the certificate]
...finished a 64 ounce steak.

1
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 2 Episode 16

Ted: 'I thought you said you got rid of everything your ex-boyfriends gave you?'
Robin: 'Well yeah, but not my dogs.'
Ted: 'You said everything.'
Robin: 'But not living things.'
Ted: 'Tell that to the rare bolivian cactus i threw away!'

0
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 2 Episode 14

Because sometimes, even when you know how something's gonna end, that doesn't mean you can't enjoy the ride.

2
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 2 Episode 11

Robin: 'You mean the whiny, bottomless pit of neediness? He was bugging me so I spiked his echinacea tea with codeine.'
Ted: 'You would be a great mom.'

0
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 2 Episode 17

Ted: '[to Marshall, lying next to him] Marshall, are you still thinking about Lily?'
Marshall: 'Yeah.'
Ted: 'Please stop!'

0
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 5 Episode 18

Well, Amanda is going to make Lily a cake, she's a chef! We met when I was at a restaurant last week and I sent some soup back. Luckily she's got such pretty hair I didn't mind eating a little bit of it.

0
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 2 Episode 9

Have you been arrested in a mall?
Dumped in a mall?
Turned out you're Canadian in a mall?

0
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 2 Episode 3

When I have kids, and I tell them how I met their mother, I'm gonna tell them everything. The whole damn story.

2
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 2 Episode 3

Stacey, six kids in five years! The woman's basically a ride to the waterpark.

0
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 2 Episode 3

Barney: 'Ted, it's a well-known statistic, that 83% of people, married longer than 6 months, are saving someone on the side.'
Ted: 'Do you know that when you make up a statistic, you always use 83% ?'

0
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 2 Episode 1

Because were baseball, strippers and guns can't help, the only thing that can really heal a broken heart, is time.

Heart, Breakup & Lovesick
0
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 1 Episode 8

I never wanted any of it to change, but that's not how life works.

Change
5
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 1 Episode 22

When I rode home the next morning, the city looked the same. The people looked the same. It all looked the same. But it wasn't. In just one night, everything had changed.

Change
1
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 1 Episode 22

Ted: 'What do you say?'
Robin: 'Yes! No! I don't know...'
Ted: 'Those are the three options.'

0
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 1 Episode 21

Lily: 'Swear on the lifes of your unborn boy and girl!'
Ted: 'I swear on Luke and Leia!'

0
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 1 Episode 14

The beauty of a moment, is that it's fleeting.

Moment, Present
7
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 1 Episode 14

I don't feel so good. It's like my testicals mixed poprocks and soda.

Sex
0
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 1 Episode 14

When you meet someone special, suddenly life is full of firsts: The first kiss, the first night together, the first weekend together.

0
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 1 Episode 11

Yes Barney, your submissions were recieved and no, we will not be attending any parties in your pants.

0
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 1 Episode 17

Marshall: 'If economic sanctions and trade-restrictions aren't enforced, the destruction of the rainforest will continue and over a million species will be wiped out!'
Ted: 'So you don't want coffee?'

Nature
0
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 3 Episode 12

Sorry Peter, we're grown-ups now, we can't fly to Netherland with you anymore.

2
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 1 Episode 1

Kids, I'm going to tell you an incredible story, the story of how I met your mother.

2
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 5 Episode 20

I didn't give up on my dream house, because that's the thing about stupid decisions - we all make them, but time is funny and sometimes a little magical. It can take a stupid decision, and turn it into something else entirely.

Decisions, Time
3
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 1 Episode 16

Long distance is a lie teenagers tell each other to get laid the summer before college.

College, Long-Distance Relationships
0
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 6 Episode 11

The Captain: 'Guess it's just you, me, and six hours in frigid international waters.'
Ted: 'Or we could stay in dry land, hang out with some witnesses?'

0
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 5 Episode 3

Anything sounds weird, if you say it a undred times. Bowl. Bowl. Bowl...

0
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 6 Episode 16

Player play on - high V!

0
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 6 Episode 15

I'd say hump her brain out, but somebody obviously already has.

0
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 4 Episode 6

Kids, you may think your only choices are to swallow your anger or throw it in someone's face, but there's a third option: You can just let it go, and only when you do that is it really gone and you can move forward.

Breakup & Lovesick, Comforting
3
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother in Season 6 Episode 8

Oh my god, you have a monocle! Is this real? Is this really happening? Good luck killing James Bond!

0
0
Quote by Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother

Sometimes, even when you know something's a mistake, you gotta make it anyway.

Failures, Fate / Destiny
3
0
Quotes 51 to 94 of 941 of 22 of 2