Marty: 'Thanks for going to outer space, so no matter what I do, my mum will be disappointed in me.'
Howard: 'Well, I married a little catholic girl, so we're even.'
Sheldon: 'Why do people cry at weddings?'
Mary: 'They're practicing for what's coming later.'
This seat is ideally located both in relation to the heat source in the winter and a cross breeze in the summer. It also faces the television at a direct angle allowing me to immerse myself in entertainment or game play without being subjected to conversation. As a result, I've placed it in a state of eternal dibs.0
Leonard: 'I can't believe you've never seen 'Raiders of the Lost Ark'.'
Penny: 'And I can't believe you've never read 'Eat, Pray, Love'.'
Leonard: 'When she comes out with 'Eat, Pray, Run away from a giant boulder', I'll read it.'
Gosh, Amy, I'm sensing a little hostility. Is it maybe because, like Sheldon's work, your sex life is also theoretical?0
'See you in hell Sheldon'? The most frightening thing about that is the missing comma!0
Rajesh: 'I don't know if I want to play anymore.'
Sheldon: 'Because you don't have a girlfriend? Well, good Lord, if that becomes a reason not to play Dungeons & Dragons, this game's in serious trouble.'
Sheldon: 'At my age, do you know how I'm statistically most likely to die?'
Leonard: 'At the hands of your roommate?'
Sheldon: 'An accident.'
Leonard: 'That's how I'm going to make it look.'
Sheldon: 'I'm quite aware of the way humans usually reproduce, which is messy, unsanitary, and based on living next to you for three years, involves loud and unnecessary appeals to a deity.'
Penny: 'Oh God!'
Sheldon: 'Yes, exactly.'
Raj: 'Hey, look, I found an iPod!'
Howard: 'Smashed beyond repair - what are you going to do with it?'
Raj: 'What else? Sell it on ebay as 'slightly used'.'
Leonard: 'I don't think I can go out with her tonight.'
Sheldon: 'Then don't.'
Leonard: 'Other people would say, 'Why not?''
Sheldon: 'Other people might be interested.'
Penny: 'Leonard isn't the kind of guy I usually go out with.'
Sheldon: 'Leonard isn't the kind of guy anyone usually goes out with.'
Penny: 'Yes, I will go out with you.'
Penny: 'Yeah. Why not? I mean, what do I have to lose?'
Leonard: 'Yeah. That's the spirit!'
You can't ruin a friendship with sex. That's like trying to ruin ice cream with chocolate sprinkles0
Penny: 'What a cute, little store... everybody's staring at me?'
Leonard: 'Don't worry, they're more scared of you, than you are of them.'
This physicist goes into an ice cream parlor every week and orders an ice cream sundae for himself, and then offers one to the empty stool sitting next to him. This goes on for a while until the owner finally asks him what he's doing. The man says, 'Well, I'm a physicist, and quantum mechanics teaches us, that it is possible for the matter above this stool to spontaneously turn into a beautiful woman who might accept my offer and fall in love with me.' The owner then says, 'Lots of single, beautiful women come in here ever day. Buy an ice cream for one of them, and they might fall in love with you.' And the physicist says, 'Yeah, but what are the odds of that happening?!'0
I love the smell of paintballs in the morning.0
Leonard: 'You owe me another two dollars, the price of moo shu pork went up.'
Howard: 'It's getting tougher and tougher to be a bad Jew.'
My expenses account for 46.9% of my after-tax income. The rest is divvied up between a small savings account, this deceptive container of peanut brittle and the hollowed-out buttocks of a superhero action figure who shall remain nameless for his own protection... or HER own protection.0
Leonard: 'Penny's taking you to the DMV, I'm going to bed.'
Sheldon: 'Why Penny?'
Leonard: 'Because rock breaks scissors.'
Howard: 'You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin.'
Howard: 'Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.'
You tell people I'm a rocket scientist? My God! Why don't you just tell them that I'm a toll-taker at the Golden Gate Bridge?0
Is it 'cause I'm Jewish? 'Cause I'd kill my rabbi with a pork chop to be with your sister.0
Howard: 'Don't you think I should answer the engineering questions? I am an engineer.'
Sheldon: 'By that logic I should answer all the anthropology questions because I'm a mammal.'
Sheldon: 'Well, once, when I was 15, spending the summer at the Heidelberg Institute in Germany.'
Penny: 'Studying abroad?'
Sheldon: 'No. Visiting professor. Anyway, the local cuisine was a little more sausage-based than I'm used to. And the result was an internal Blitzkrieg, with my lower intestine playing the part of Czechoslovakia.'