The best Series Quotes (Page 9)

All the teams in the NBA will not be playing basketball on Election Day. And the Knicks were like, "Oh, no problem we don't play basketball every day, that's just what we do."

The NBA has announced that they will not be playing any games on election day and instead will encourage their fans to go and vote. I will say though, not to sound cynical but, if the Timberwolves game is what was keeping you from voting maybe... yeah.

You're gonna move the ocean into the desert? That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard, unless they do it while Burning Man is happening. In which case, go for it. Please take a bath, you dirty hippies!

I know Liberals and Conservatives don't agree on much. But can we agree that you should not own a gun, if you don't know how to poop in a potty?

You have just constructed a straw man so large you could burn it in the desert and hold an annoying festival around it.

Trump Supporter: "It's an American ideal that we treat women with respect."
Klepper: "You gotta give me the back of that shirt one more time, that's too much fun."
Trump Supporter: "Trump that b*tch!"
Klepper: "Ha ha, we don't even see the irony of it... I love it."

Trump Supporter: "The regular couple... they work so hard, you know, and the gay couple they want more."
Klepper: "When you say 'more', do you mean 'equal'?"
Trump Supporter: "Yeah, they want equal."
Klepper: "And that's just too much?"

Trump Supporter: "The presidency is a man's job. A female has more hormones. She could start a war in 10 seconds."
Klepper: "Haven't all wars been started by men?"

Crypto is crashing even harder, with Bitcoin plummeting 67% from its high, which I found really interesting. Because for, like, the past ten years, every single crypto bro I've met has told me that crypto would protect me when the mainstream economy failed.

Usually, when Boris Johnson takes a position, the opposite position is the right one. That's why his hair is always like, "Wherever he goes, I'm going the other way."

I'm just curious about how you even know when Rudy Giuliani is drunk. No, because when a normal person is drunk, they say crazy things, they yell, they sweat a lot. So how does that work with Rudy? Does it work in reverse? Like, does he start talking normally, his hair die sucks back into his hair?

If you dare as an organization to certify the cancellation of the McRib, I will not accept those results. I'm gonna get a group of people together and we're going to travel and we're going to march down to McDonald's headquarters. We're going to McDonald's the first week of January to start the year off with a bang.

It's the 4th of July, that time of year when Americans who don't watch MSNBC, celebrate the nation's birthday.

Don't stereotype Asian people. Also, there's a good chance they're doctors, so they can help you out if you are worried.

I love getting in a Halloween spirit. I buy candy, and when trick-or-treaters come to my door, I eat it in their faces, to show that nothing in life is free!

Do you know how bad that coffee has to be to to be considered a health risk in New York? This is the same city where pizza gets delivered by a rat!

If you wanna spend money to have a shitty night, just go on a Tinder date: "Oh, wow. That's so interesting. I've never met anyone who likes to travel before."

The Metaverse is being made by Microsoft and Facebook, so you know it's gonna be boring as sh-t.

Close contact with disgusting creatures that may touch you? That's not a haunted house. That's a sleepover at Jeffrey Epstein's place.

Don't point fingers on the internet, because the internet will finger you right back.

They're tricking kids into building their own playground. And I gotta tell you, this exact same thing happened to me back home in Asia, and by the time we were done "playing", we had finished a whole new line of Nike's.

No one has ever been delighted to be in Boston in December. December? What are you excited about? "Oh, I love chapped lips and getting thrown up on by Patriots fans, how peachy."

Today is Spotify-Wrapped-Day. The day that Spotify looks at our music and reminds us that we're all a basic b*tch. Thank God, Tinder doesn't do a year-end wrap-up just to remind you of all the terrible decisions you made on desperate nights.

California has officially announced that jaywalking is now no longer a crime. So congratulations to the Californians who like walking places. This is great news for the six of you.

The next World Cup will be in the US. Which means all the players will be allowed to use guns. Don't worry, they can't use their hands to shoot them... should be interesting.

The house still passed a gun-control bill. The only problem is that everyone already knows that it has zero chance of passing in the senate. Which has got to be rough for the house. You work so hard on something that you know is going to lose. They're like the New York Knicks of legislation.

North Korea, voted Korea of the year by North Korea Magazine for the past three decades.

The only way the army should use Fortnite is to drop it on Isis. Then they'll start playing it 20 hours a day, and we'll have won the War on Terror and that's when we really get to dance.

Once a rebel, always a rebel.

I've spent most of my life fighting a war. That's why I'm trying to convince you to help me prevent another one.

War is inevitable. One must destroy in order to create.

One way or another, everyone stops bleeding.

You have three choices, you can give up, give in or give it your all.

Forget what hurt you in the past, but never forget what it taught you.

Remember that everyone you meet is afraid of something, loves something, and has lost something.

Don't judge me unless you have looked through my eyes, experienced what I went through and cried as many tears as me. Until then back-off, cause you have no idea!

Even if you lose everything, something remains.

What I want isn't money, pretty dresses, or fortune forced upon me. I'm not Lucky Lucy of Heartfilia anymore! Fairy Tail recognizes me as just Lucy and my other family, it's a far more loving family than this!

Ezra Bridger: "I don't fear you!"
Darth Vader: "Then you will die - braver than most."

Kill, if you don't want to be killed. Wouldn't it be awkward if I die? This isn't a coincidence nor goodwill. This is what the system needs. A strong Sung Jin-Woo.

Thrawn: "Whatever happens next happens to both of us."
Ezra: "That's the idea."

To defeat an enemy, you must know them. Not simply their battle tactics, but their history. Philosophy. Art.

Who deserves what is irrelevant. What matters is who has power.

I do not require glory, only results for my Emperor.

She could be our key to locating the true rebel fleet.

I will start my operations here, and pull the rebels apart piece by piece. They will be the architects of their own destruction.

This is a new beginning. For some... War. For others... Power.

Things have changed. I started hearing whispers about Thrawn's return as heir to the Empire.

Close your eyes. Your eyes can deceive you. We must not trust them

This isn't about good or bad. This is about power. And who is allowed to use it.