Quotes by Woody Allen

Quotes by Woody Allen
Quote by Woody Allen

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

Laughing & Smile, Gratitude
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Quote by Woody Allen

Tradition is the illusion of permanance.

Tradition
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Quote by Woody Allen

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

Reality
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Quote by Woody Allen

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

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Quote by Woody Allen

Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply', but not in those words.

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Quote by Woody Allen

My brain: it's my second favorite organ.

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Quote by Woody Allen

It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.

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Quote by Woody Allen

I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.

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Quote by Woody Allen

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

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Quote by Woody Allen

In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.

Television
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Quote by Woody Allen

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

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Quote by Woody Allen

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

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Quote by Woody Allen

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

Women
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Quote by Woody Allen

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Money
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Quote by Woody Allen

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

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Quote by Woody Allen

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.

Sex
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Quote by Woody Allen

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

Laughing & Smile
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Quote by Woody Allen

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

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Quote by Woody Allen

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But, then one suffers from not loving.

Love, Lovesick
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Quote by Woody Allen

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

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Quote by Woody Allen

Love is the answer. But while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.

Love, Sex
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Quote by Woody Allen

Can we actually 'know' the universe? My God, it's hard enough finding your way around in Chinatown.

Universe, Understanding
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Quote by Woody Allen

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.

Humanity, Body, Apprehension
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